by QueenOfTheNile
Very eloquently written, and beautifully enticing. Please write more. You are truely gifted....
I loved your story. The language was fitting and the descriptions quite vivid. You will find that not everyone will like this kind of story but pay no attention to that especially if the criticism is NOT constructive. There is a phrase that you used "with a little more than a slap on the wrist" I think you meant "with little more than a slap on the wrist". Believe it or not that the simple use or omission of the indefinite article DOES change the meaning of the sentence. Keep writing sweetheart! You're a natural!
I loved your story. The language was fitting and the descriptions quite vivid. You will find that not everyone will like this kind of story but pay no attention to that especially if the criticism is NOT constructive. There is a phrase that you used "with a little more than a slap on the wrist" I think you meant "with little more than a slap on the wrist". Believe it or not that the simple use or omission of the indefinite article DOES change the meaning of the sentence. Keep writing sweetheart! You're a natural!
This is a very well written, sexy story. Definitely on topic and who doesn't like chocolate?
See, stories like these make me not want to submit anymore of my little stories, lol. This was one of the most, if not THE most tasteful and well-written short interracial stories I've ever read on this site. I especially love how the main character had multiple men -- after all, how often do you read about that in an erotic story AND it isn't degrading? I hope you do well in the contest. Good luck!
This story made my mouth water... and not just for chocolate. Loved it