- Mind Control
- MindOps Ch. 03
- Comments
All Comments on 'MindOps Ch. 03'
by Military Mech
- 14 Comments
Anonymousabout 15 years agoYou must add sex scenes along while taking the story foward. While you write more parts, get creative...anal,bdsm,twins,anything
Phineasalmost 15 years agoSome errors with spelling (autocorrect is my guess). That's not worthy of a critique though. What you want to know is what makes (or doesn't make) this story work.<br>
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I feel this should have been longer. It was just a snippet that barely covered his marine training. I'm surprised a special unit like his would be allowed a 4 year tour. I would think 6 would be mandatory. Or, for someone with his talents, lifetime service. Of course getting tired of playing God at Uncle Sam's behest would provide a great reason for him to do his best to go AWOL. Sorry, I'm putting my thoughts into your head.<br>
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Another reader recommended adding sex. I don't know that I agree with that. In proper context, sure, go for it. With the lack of detail and length in this segment sex would have felt forced and contrived. As for variety of sex, do what seems right. Just remember to ask yourself when you're writing whether or not you, as a reader, would be entertained by what is happening.
Anonymousover 14 years agoFair storyline. Sex could be expanded, but if this is the beginning of a series, I can understand. Post-military is where this story can take off. Hope to see more.
Anonymousabout 14 years agoI sure hope Military Mech. doesn't drop the ball on this one. He did a fine job of setting it all up and I would like to see at least 10 chapters, but more like
15 to 20. That's the nice thing about your main character being young, their life is just getting started and Military Mech. can write all about it.
Anonymousalmost 14 years agoLove the sci fi aspect to this story. Hope you do intend to continue writing more chapters for this series.
Anonymousover 13 years agoI really do like reading this sort off story! I hope that there will soon be more chaptures ( sry when its written wrong but I'm German :)). I'm really looking forward to it best wishes Thunder
Nameless432over 13 years agoIt has inspired me to make a change to a non-sexual story I have been working which plays with some of these elements.
hckfover 13 years agoThe first three Chapters make a great prologue for some really cool future chapters.
So I hope that you still want to continue this great story.
Anonymousalmost 13 years agoRah, Devil! MCRD must have been really tough if u can control your DIs, heh. I ber Parris Island would have been tough too. Keep the story going, bro. I wanna see Burke do some crazy shit with these powers. *coughosamacough*
