by mrsmillwood
try to make their own problems into a problem for you.
It's a sin, those who do that.
Hope you'll give us more to read.
I must be honest in saying that I had a hard time simply reading your content within the tale because of your writing style. I know many people like using the actual numbers instead of words when talking about age (IE: "He was 18", instead of "He was eighteen") but I am amazed that Lit accepted your story when you used the numbers throughout the whole "tale". (Like "I had 2 kids".) Also, your abbreviations were distracting. "Yo" is a word. It's slang, typically for "hi". If you're so lazy that you have to abbreviate "year old", you need to put a " / " between the "y" and the "o". I'm sure many of the ANONYMOUS posters will flame me for my feedback here (and who cares since they feel the need to hide who they are), but if you wish to be taken seriously as a writer you need help from an editor.
It's obvious you have a story to tell. You are all over this story.
No, like 99% of the authors here on Literotica (myself included), you are not a professional. Yes, you could use an editor. There is an editor program where you can find one. It will help.
I'm looking forward to reading the next installment!
Jenny
Great Story. My only complaint is that the decision to fuck him in the ass seemed to come quite abruptly, without any prior setup, but i think that's just a personal preference and not an actual problem with the story. I soon got over it anyway.
I thought this was great. I would have loved to be Derrick. I would love to find a MILF like you. I will be looking forward to more stories from you. Keep writing.
Max
Got off to this story. I came BIG TIME. That story was hot as hell. I only dream of an opportunity to be with a cougar like this. That guy is soooooooo frickin lucky. Wish I had that chance.