All Comments on 'Ending a Relation'

You have no idea how to write or how to write erotic stories. Are you below the age of 18? you sure write like a girl in 1st grade. Give up now. And I hope the "Tick" skin heals up reall soon.

Why do adulterers find justification and then rationalize it into some form of honesty..ie: finding a way to make it sound honest and sincere?

You obviously had not been totally convinced you were going to marry Gerry!

You knew you would never relent to having children and it was just a matter of convenience for you to cohabitate with a guy you really liked, a guy any woman would want and you just went along taking advantage of it.

Now, Rick...what took you so long.? The manner in which you confronted Gerry was nothing more than trying to make him guilty for your decisions, what a cheap shot, admittedly you wanted to fuck around - at least, you were honest with yourself about that. You're just a broad that wants her freedom, random sex and no responsibility - unfortunately - that cuddly, soothing, comfortable feeling one gets from being with someone they love will not belong to you!!!

It's something worth reading about. I like the honesty of acknowledging the multiple reasons and the irrational reaction of being swept off ones feet. Your story you told well, and for the most part well written. Some of the typos seem to be file lectronics problems, but there still were a few editorial bumps. Nothing too distracting though; it was a good read and I will keep my eye out for future submissions.

The apples didn't fall too far from the tree.

Boyd

And thats your good points, your ex is very lucky to be rid of you.

You both did the right thing. No future in the relationship so move on, but why he left the business dealings with her is beyond me?

Please continue the story. Let the righteous comments slide off. You describe the real human feelings and emotions tres bien. Keep expanding on these the true basis of your great story telling, as you improve your writing style une petit peux.

(you have moved me to pen my first comment in eight years on lit)

... northern paddler

i liked it thourghly, though i don't think i'd let anyone in my ass...(though everything else is negotiable)

Dear Deservedly Doomed - why go forth when you have already peaked at age 5.<P>

How sad for you.

I am sorry if i offended some of you, My aim was to write my story . i did not go out of my way to make it more or less erotic.

I will write in particular about my experience with my sister and what hapened to Gerry , he did not do to bad after we broke off.

Thanks to all who took the time to write comments , good or bad and those who will in the future

Fran26

You are you.....decisions last a long time....regrets forever....Rick's wife should join you and your sister and mom....after all it is only sex and fly fishing....all understandable...especially to an accountant who knows what "counts" in life. CPA

But the sex happens too quickly. There's a lack of build-up, step by step. There's no teasing, no seeing naked breasts/ass/pussy for the first time. He jams his finger in her ass, but it's a wham -- with nothing building up to it. Where are the steps that could/should lead up to it -- for someone who has been an anal virgin until thast point? Why didn't he pay attention to her ass cheeks first? How about some kissing and rubbing? How did it feel to him? Her? What did it feel like the first time he ran his finger over her asshole? What did she feel about it? Why didn't it go on for a while getting her so hot she couldn't say no to his finger anymore? Maybe she could have asked him to stick it in. Etc.

Also, editing aside, most of the time her sister was referred to as Marge; once she was called Madge.

Pretty good and would bet your next chapter will be even better

noone to like in this sad tale about sick people, short stories work much better with a hero/heroine, there was noone to cheer for in this one

If these whores had a dog at their homes, it's cherry would be gone by the next morning. Jerry should be thanking his lucky stars he got away from these psychos when he did. If he'd gotten married to this broad, a likely scenario would be all 3 of the ladies in her family on their knees giving out BJ's in the reception line cause something strange "had gotten under their skin." But on the positive side, after the reception Jerry would probably get to sample every sexual combination and permutation of him and all 3 of the ladies until they all ran out of gas or dropped dead, whichever came first. And maybe Mom wants more kids? Kinda like the song, I'm sure someone could figure out a way Fran could be her own Grandma?

.,....however this story illustrates for the zillionth time the foolish way people go about marriage. I knew more about my Black lab than most people do about the person they are slipping a ring on.

The story needed an editor who would catch the misspelled words and even a couple places where a word was missing. It was well enough written to prompt me to want more.

Thank you.

a sick girl a sick family Gerry is a lucky guy to be free.

A fucking whore if i was Gerry i paid a Detective to follow her and exhibit her habits to the world. a little revenge.

And why he belived her? she cheated, lied and humiliate.

Very shitty excuse for a story!

there is consequences in fucking over people.knowing she was engage her sister set her up with another man.gerry lucky to get away from that family.

I agree wid my fellow guy. . . It a shitty for a story. . (sam)

It just seems you built the story sentence by sentence as you wrote it. With no preconceived plot in mind. One would ask howthose two ever would get together in reallife they were just to far apart from the beginning. Also I feel you had a misbalance between the sex scenes (alot) and the story and character narations. But I can't write so who cares what I think

she gave up a good relationship with a good man to be with a pussy hound and ends up in a incest fling with her sister. What next's, she get gangbang by her father and brothers while her mom eats her out.

A little hard to read with the typos and small grammatical errors. It prohibits the smooth reading of your story thus making the reader work harder to get through it. This prevents the reader from getting fully absorbed into the story and enjoying it as the writer intended. I see you are from Quebec so I take it that English is not your first language. If that's the case I'm impressed. I could only imagine how a story I wrote in French would read. I'm not sure if your stories are a reflection of your morals and ethics but I do see a trend of hurting others by the selfish actions of your main characters. I have to admit that I enjoy stories that are more of a moral nature or at least the offending party comes in contact with the natural consequences of their actions but that's just me. Thank you for sharing

I suppose having read the follow on story about the weekend with her sister might have made me more accepting of this story, but I am not sure. I was in a "normal" marriage but as time went on I realised I was asubmissive, unfortunately my wife was not "that way inclined" hence a broken marriage.

I can understand where Fran is coming from, her 3 year relationship was starting to show signs of strain, even if she did not realise that at the time. He wants/needs kids she does not, well not at that time. Such differences will place incredible strain on a relationship, Rick just happened along at the right time. So as far as I am concerned the story is plausible and the characters are well portrayed.

Thank you for a good read.

if what one has isnt what one wants, where do they go to live and exist in society. TK U MLJ LV NV

It's ashame that there are so many fucked up men out there, these so called men will know she taken and fuck the slut anyway. 3*

I can't understand why Gerry wanted to have children with the skank. Her mother is whore who fucked two guys in one night and came home to tell her husband to his face without remorse, and her sister screwed just about anything that moves and Gerry knows about it. Why would he want to infect his children with such genes. The skank's selfishness is scary even to herself. He is lucky to lose the bitch at an age when he can easily recover, ie., find a new love, unlike the skank's father when her mother dumped the news of her affairs onto him. Gerry doesn't know it, but he dodged the bullet big time.

The incest grossed me out. I was hoping Gerry, sometimes called Jerry, would drown her. I hope this 'lady' and any like her never get married.

Nice story and honesty is always the best policy. I like that Gerry was informed before, That shows respect for the guy. How you ever thought he would be ok with it is just dumb. But your story was enjoyable and I gave you 5 stars but not hot enough to wack off

Poorly written at best!

Real fucking slut, aren't you???

So you made it a point to mention how she was upfront with him so many times, and how she was going ahead to do whatever and yet still shed tears? LOL. She didn't want kids, why the fuck was she with him for so long? Then the sister, the mother? What is this, something from the twilight zone?

Horrible story, horrible characters, horribly written.

She was always tramp, but why Gerry wanted to know what happened and talked to her is beyond me.

A sad tale.

Stilted dialogue, despicable characters and a stupid plot.

Shuddder...... just terrible.

Weak plot and two demensional people with no morsls or scrupples. You worst crap yet.

But at least she was honest and split up before entering into a bad marriage.

Could someone be so callous? Seems so. That woman had a serious personality disorders. She was a young woman with a bleak future. 40 years down the road I can't imagine the future that played out for her. Looks like a train wreck of a life will be of her own creation.

whole family sick.

This is a typical first draw and needs some vigorous editing. If you realy want to improve on your writing skills, the first thing to do is to get rid of all the mishaps. This version is giving your readers sore eyes. It is so full mishaps, it has become one of the worst pieces I have ever seen on this site, which is a pitty.

The story itself is not bad and well told, so there is lots of room for improvement. If you will find many fans for this type of story is questionable. The score says it all. But keep on trying. And maybe next time a little less controversial and ruthless, because apart from that, the sex scenes are hot. So refine, refine and refine. And try to be a bit more gentle on the male side. We males have tender hearts too, and some even have long toes ;-).

So as an encouragement I will give you a very undeserved 4*.

shallow, phony, with short-term relationships. It will be a very hollow existence. But I wonder if she'll know?

in addition to numerous stylistic mistakes, this writing reflects a shallow, selfish, narcissistic woman. in your bio you intimate you like men. hard to see in the few stories i read.

Marvelous story. you have a true gift as a writer.

Could have been better and could have done without the repetitive themes that you already used in your other stories.

WTF was all that about ? I guess when a Bitch chooses to be a Slut, then she goes for broke ...

This female character would likely end up a middle-aged spinster wondering where her life went and why she doesn't have a family. Serious suitors generally don't want a woman whose narcissism undoes any commitments so easily without regards to another. She would count herself lucky if not living in the community she grew up in because such actions get around in peer groups. Going into later years with nothing going but to 'get laid' gets old. This happened to my younger sister who was a real round-heel into her early 40s and developed the mature temperament too late in life for a normal marriage. Ended up being the spinster aunt until married an old gentlemen in his 60s as a help-meet. Threw-over two good suitors when younger because they were not "fun", and so this was very ironic. Sad really. Write a sequel to this story twenty years on where she meets her original intended again as a spinster while he has a loving family. I think one author here wrote a similar story called "The Road to No-where".

This story has moved into my Top-40 Worst Stories on Literotica. It's not bad, bad, as much as there is a story there with lifeless, emotionless characters that stumble through their lines like actors on a script-in-hand first walk-through. A big mistake with amateur writing is presenting dialogue with nothing surrounding it to denote reaction, emotion or scene. The reader wants to "see" the story as it unfolds, and this story occurred in a cold vacuum. Good story, crappy execution, awful characters. 1 star because null isn't allowed.