All Comments on 'Not What It Seems Ch. 02'

Alin's father is an ass. Using her to cover business debts not once but twice now.

The return of Jared was set up perfectly. The drama that will ensue is sure to be enormous.

I think the only problem I have is Ryan. Maybe Hallie's marriage isn't all hearts and flowers but hearing him constantly pne over her is a bit annoying. But I like story and hope to read more!

I LOVE this story so far! I'll be checking as much as I can for chapter three...please don't keep us waiting that long! Jacinta xxo

1: All the spelling/grammer errors. I don't usually comment about lack of editing but I could not get passed it while reading this story.

2: So much is happening at once I can't appreciate the main story.

After I got passed thoes two complaints I really liked the story.

A decent story might be buried deep inside. Unfortunately there’s too much of the power and money gamesmanship drawing attention away from the characters and interpersonal conflicts. Far too complicated, the many moving parts are trapped in a steaming pile.

Focus more on character development, and less on surrounding details. You’ve inadvertently made the wrapping more important than the gift inside.