All Comments on 'Showers'

Sam's line line, "I love you, Daddy" came out of NOWHERE. I double checked and found nothing that indicates she called Malcolm this name before...Either you should EDIT it so that:

[A] she calls him something else (like "Baby" or "Malcolm" or "Honey" among other simple options).

...or [B] you find a way to actually FORESHADOW the "Daddy" line. If that's supposed to be Malcolm's high-school nickname, you need to establish it back on Page 1.

~William (April Smith Sucks)

Other than the misspellings, grammar errors, sloppy typing, and that sudden "Daddy" line that comes out of NOWHERE on Page 2 (read my other Comment on this page which explains how you can fix that) I really liked this story. You did a great job of establishing the Malcolm/Sam dynamic and showing us what they like about each other.

I really like Samantha and the way her behavior (towards Malcolm) combines *sweet & mischievous* with *incredible sexiness*.

I would love to read a Sequel about Sam *treating* Malcolm the day after the 1st story.

Since the 1st story took place on Friday night & Saturday afternoon, I'm guessing it would be Saturday night & all of Sunday in the sequel.

I want to see Sam's sex-appeal get taken to a whole new level in the 2nd story.

You said, at the end of this story, that Malcolm & Sam never left his apartment for the rest of the weekend, so you should try to come up with special/nice (and sexy) ideas for what Sam could do with Malcolm while they're cooping themselves in his apartment for a whole 1.5 days. You already did a great job at establishing Sam's sexiness in the 1st story when she was the one being treated by Malcolm...so now I want to see how she brings out her sexiness when SHE is the one who wants to treat HIM. (And you can come up with sexy ideas for what she can do to him whenever they're spending Real Quality Time and not having sex.) I want to see her BLOW MALCOLM'S MIND (and mine, too)....As long as you don't forget the personality traits that made Samantha unique in the 1st story, so you don't contradict those traits in the 2nd story, then I'd expect it to be awesome.

~William