by zanygrl
The story is good, but the way you tell it is a little disorienting. I had to read some pieces of it again to find out which of the "shes" you were talking about was doing what and with whom... I like the concept but more dialog in quotes would help as would a little more time describing who was where. Good concept.
Loved it!!!! I really got wet thinking about what they where doing. Wish we had places Like that. Great job:-)
This story was very good and erotic and made me wet. I could feel my imagination taking me into the parts of the girl that was visiting the club. Very arousing.
Good progression of ideas and action - and great eroticism - but this story is in definite need of editing. I would advise getting an editor in any future submissions.