All Comments on 'Mountain Hideout Ch. 03'

I just get started and it's over!!! Please Please Please...longer chapters!!! I love the story!!!

You're mean.

You're killin' me, woman!

Cliff hangers I hate them!!!

Somehow I don't see an ex-marine standing by doing nothing. :) This is getting interesting!

I'm going to be tough on you here. Only to help. I really like this story and want you to go as far as you can with it. I think it is a good plot and want you to develop it more.

I think that the jumps in time prevented you from developing the characters. I think some stories of the days they spent together and things they talked about would have be a chance for us to get to know them better. I'd like to know more about both of their backgrounds. Why does Jackson live such a solitary life? They aren't being hashed out for the reader and it will make it harder to understand what chemistry is there between them.

Also, be careful to keep it feelng real. it seems too unrealistic that Trace would be running in and not tell the police chief his partner and family were in danger. He'd be told to stay away and may have said 'screw that' and gone anyhow, but he'd know that he would need help. I just don't feel like he'd play the one armed hero and try to rescue all of them alone. People that deadly would not let the family go even if he wrapped himself in a bow for them. I think you could have had him do the right thing by having the police involved and still written him in as doing something crazy to save the day with jackson's help. if that is where you're going with it ;)

Thank you to all of those who have commented up to this point on this story.

@cannd: Thank you for your comments. I have been debating different things with this story. When I wrote it, I had to keep it short. One thing I have debated doing is redoing this story completely, but from Jackson's point of view. I can definitely see what you mean with your comments and as said, it is something I've thought about myself, so I don't see them as being harsh. Thank you for taking the time to leave the review.

Have to agree with Cannd. 3 weeks later.... Damn, what did I miss? Apparently a heck of a lot if they went from shyness to watching tv with Jackson's head in Trace's lap. And maybe it was me, but what happened to Hercules? Further, Trace is a cop. His training would dictate that he wouldn't go bursting on the scene w/o some type of backup or plan (although Jackson is there he wouldn't want to get a civvie involved especially not someone he's that close to.) Personally, I think he should have put up more of a fight of wanting to keep Jackson safe and out of his fight, former marine be damned. Your story, I'm just a reader... I hope you do another story from both of their points of view versus "generic" story telling. Not, generic, but, you know what I mean.

slow down other wise they will be married by the next fucking chapter with three kids in school

@Dinky: Yes, I know this story feels very rushed. This was written for an anthology with a word count limit. I am considering going back at some point in time and either revising this story or writing it as well from Jackson's POV. Thank you for your comment.

@fukmi_allnite~

Thank you for the comment and yes, I know that I could make this story so much longer, which I may do sometime in the future. Thank you for taking the time to let me know what you are thinking about the story.