All Comments on 'Rag Doll Ch. 01'

Love the buildup of the story. Please continue.

Excellent story,very good character development and all sorts of plot possibilities. Please continue this story as soon as possible!

I'm aware that this may be a longer serial, but I hope there isn't to too much unpleasantness that happens to this newly formed family.

By that I mean I hope there will not be any more events, like the girls rape or another tragedy. I don't think I could read about that right now.

I do encourage more though. You are one of my favourite authors on this site.

Well written with interesting characters. My only two quibbles are the facts that the family is so trusting from the start. I would think that normal or traumatized families, either way, would not be so tender in the amount of time that passes here.

Second quibble is that the news report said "prominent business man's wife" on an international flight. I'm assuming for this to happen, the father is someone of note. Therefore, I would think even a simple google search would locate him, so it doesn't seem to make sense the mother couldn't track down her son.

Again, these are minor points, and I look forward to reading what comes next. The characters are interesting and the editing is excellent. Looking forward to more. Don't keep us hanging too long please!

If you read it, Nick was in the departure lounge in Heathrow Airport, in the UK, and he was watching Sky News, a UK Satellite News Channel, on the overhead monitors, not on a flight bound for the US.

I fall in love with your characters. Your stories have me begging for more! I hope this is part of a series. Love your rag doll!

I have read some very good stoies on here. I just read your story and I was pleased to see that you took your time and developed the story. I enjoyed it so much that I can't wait to read the next chapter. I would love to know what is install next for Nicky and Ashley. How will their mother take to the new relationship? So I hope you continue with the story and I hope you don't be one of those writers who starts a story and then write one or two chapter and then leaving it unfinished. To many good stories are started but never was finished. So I hope you don't become one of those writers.

Having grown up in the Albany, NY area, the local references added a measure of believability to this story. I second the comment hoping that this story continues and we see how Nick and Ashley's relationship continues.

Thank you for this. The plot is solid.There are many subplots to develop, to be interestingly told I am certain. Like all good novels, this is a moral tale. Love triumphs, even though its type is not usual. The monsters will come to grief. Society will have an improved character due to virtue. The story's beginning is enticingly excellent. Please do not stop.

Doctor (if I may briefly take the liberty) beachbum1958, I have read the previous eleven comments on your masterpiece Rag Doll, Chapter 01. Personally you addressed, with your two comments, several issues that I had intended to take exception to, and address myself. Of course, I would not have done nearly as good a job as you, nor as in-depth and precisely.

You being a doctor, medical I presume based on your first comments, doesn't cause me to wonder about your vocabulary nor mastery of properly used words and grammar, sentencing, punctuation, etc. What does amaze me is your heart and emotions, thoughtfulness of feelings, compassion, warmth; your ability to cause your words to visualize into images of physical placement of the characters and events into the presence of the most luckiest of reader's of your most glorious writings..

Being a "softie" of the heart, inside, this story of your intended epic of sensuality, makes this story perfect for my soul. Most men won't admit, but I actually cried tears of sorrow, to joy, to compassion, to understanding, even to prayer for the peace and well-being of this beautiful, finally reunited family of three caring individuals. With heavy heart I wish there had been a better fate for Barbara, Nick's loving step-mother; she deserved better, though she very carefully chose her demise.

The love of these two conflicted young adolescent children, a man and a woman, a male and a female, Nicky and Ashley, that are united into such a true love, is so totally and fully awesome and soul satisfying, even though the two are joined for eternity through their God given blessings of the same woman, their mother, as to be brother and sister.

Your indications there are to be further chapters of this family is akin to tomorrow there will be another day. I would hope their mother has good things in store for her, as a reward for her terrible early years with her first husband, Nick's ruthless father, and her last four years of near posverty since the death of her second husband, Ashley's father!

With Nick and Ashley having different last names, approximately eighteen years of different lives, each with a parent and a step-parent and in different countries, I can see them getting married and having many children. Maybe the same could happen to their mother of a happy marriage and another child.

You as the writer/author (and as you mentioned, your wife--bless her heart) have produced a majestic, authentic-appearing masterpiece. There are no accolades, in my opinion, sufficient enough to fully reward your results. Please continue to write for the readers at Literotica, and being greedy, for me expecially.

I have read all of your stories and have loved all of them. I hope this story continues.

I loved the story please continue this story!

Great story. I'm curious as to how it will all ban out. The two open items I'm wondering about are that his English mom said that his dad never gave up his first wife and that no one knows who raped Ashley. On to chapter 2 to see if either of those are facts that will come back to haunt this family.

Tons of potential, please keep the revenge violence to a minimum. Hot sex.

One of the best I have read. Nice style and story line.

Amazing read but i do have to admit, there were several times i didnt want to continue reading, The pain of the back story and opening was diffacult to read. I didnt want to continue for fear of what might be next. Expecaly the step mom.

Other then that it was a great peice tho.

Really nice writing. Realistic in approach.

Like I said, rape is the opposite of love it is hateful and evil. It has no place in a love story. It must be prevented at all costs. Murder is not worse than that, a dead person does not suffer. Rape can destroy a woman's spirit, most never heal fully. And whoever attempts rape, must suffer the worst pain imaginable: enough to break their minds, if not kill them. Preferably both. Other than this neccessary correction, an excellent story.

This was a very good start, and I'm looking forward to reading the next chapter.

But I do wish you (or, at least, your editor) would learn the difference between the plural and the possessive.

--LewBrishess

its a well written story the author built that way stfu

This story is great as it is! The difficulties that the characters face make the story that much better. I had tears of saddness one moment and than tears of joy the next. Wonderful story!

Don't delete the rape part please, as a man I can understand why some people might care for it to be removed but to me it's part of a great story. Thank you for that.

To anonymous telling the author to delete the rape( which wasn't part of the story BTW, nor did any part of it take place in the story, it was historical context, did you actually read that far, you cackling half-wit?) Read the rest of the story before you start grinding-on with your own 'wimmin-first' agenda - if you don't like the sexualisation of women, why are you reading stories on an erotica (which implies that at some point women could be there and particpating in sex-acts) site? Get lost you idiot, go find stories about cuddly bunnies if sex offends you so much...

Wonderful Start. looking forward to next chapters.

Loving it so far, listened to Rag Doll and it's not bad at all.

Great start. Love it so far.

This is an excellent story and very well put together! Historical context etc etc it's all great! Thank you

Excellent story as usual. Keep up the good work and I look forward to reading the rest

Good writing and everything. I've come to notice you use a lot of exclamation marks when it really isn't needed... At all. Periods work well too. You don't have to throw in all the !s, it makes the dialogue sound very corny and fake. Please use it moderately. I noticed this in lost and found too (also great and emotional).

I like your story and your characters as well as how you went into a pretty detailed background for them. With that being said, I don't know that I necessarily buy that these characters became super involved in just four days. That's my only criticism.

Am I supposed to forget that an eighteen-year-old girl got raped? And now she's immediately jumping into bed again? This could have been handled better. You could have at least bumped the overall ages. I actually thought this story was your best work, up until the shock. This topic is a hard one and you didn't handle it very realistically. Yeah, I don't know what mindset you had going when you wrote this.

If you don't like it, read something else; plenty of other people like the story, your own opinions I'm sure matter not a hoot to the author, so please, don't continue reading, go elsewhere and don't come back. This is a good story, and for your information she didn't 'immediately' do anything; she's 18. the rape happened 2 years earlier, can't you read? If you read the story properly, it's as much about how she heals as about her relationship with Nick, but of course you, being the all-knowing troll already knew that didn't you? Opinionated dicks like you give me a pain in the ass

To the guy who just unloaded on the opinionated prick who commented below, a tip of the hat! lol Fuck them, it was indeed a pretty amazing story and I think well put together!

This is a wonderful story. A true tale of heartbreak and romance. The timing is a little fast. I mean, he just met his sister about two days before, and now he's - well - boinking her! How do they expect Mom is going to feel? In the real and daylight world she would feel betrayed and used and that he is pretty much like his father by taking what he wanted regardless. But I understand how things have to move pretty quickly here. I'm really enjoying this and can't wait to get to the next installment.

I like the story so far maybe since the sister said she was going to let mother know maybe mother will want in on the action just a thought I mean incest is incest no matter how you look at it.

Isn't it great when someone who can't read decides to be a lit. critic? Always nit picking at unimportant things or at things that they have read entirely wrong. If you don't like a story go to something else.The writers here are not pros so don't expect them to be.No one can make everyone happy with what they write.

Im not sure whats worse, someone who rags on a story but goes overboard on it or the self-righteous story police who think its their job to protect the fragile, innocent, naive authors they think are made of glass from anything but ass-kissing positive reviews, rofl!

I love this story, I think this is my third time reading it in the last two years, heh.

I was laughing at the boy though, going from 'but what are you doing? Your my sister!' To 'if you just want me for sex then stop now because I want more from you than just that.' Rofl :). Talk about moving the plot along at superman speed! Heh.

First off, thanks for liking this story; it was probably only the second erotic story I ever wrote, so I agree, there are issues with pacing and plot elements; what I won't be doing is re-writing it; it is what it is, and I think I should leave it alone.

On the issue of people leaping to the defence of authors, I think it's nice, but a little odd; for the most part we're grown-up's, and while no doubt some writer's here would preen at the evidence that someone loves them enough to leap to their defence like that, I just find it a little strange, as I can just delete the comments I don't like. I tend not to do that, though.

If anyone wants to rag on about a story, well, they didn't pay me to write it, they got to read it for free, so their opinion, to me, is worth exactly what they paid; nothing. Honest criticism is always valuable, but 'eat shit and die you limey prick' is neither helpful nor necessary, and gets canned as a matter of course. I do save the barking mad ones, though, as they give me a good laugh, especially when it's glaringly obvious the commenter is completely off his trolley.

Thank you for letting us read this wonderful story. Please keep on making stories like this!! Big fan here.👍👍👍

One of the best stories around. It's not everyday that something on here makes me cry but the early part was extremely moving.

If I have a nitpick, it's the fact that the development between nicky and Ash seems rushed. From the first kiss to the first sex in less than twenty-four hours without really considering the consequences of being half-siblings is quite rushed. Not to mention that she's a rape victim. I've lived with a rape victim. Trust me, her 'acceptance' of her fate is fairly unrealistic, but then the gruelling reality of what those traumatized people are like after the crime would probably not make a good read on the interwebs. It would make people crawl out of their skin in terror.

There several comments about how rushed Nick and Ashley get involved. One: It is a short story so it has to move fast. To move at a normal speed would require about 250 pages or skipping a lot of time. It is the same with her recovery from the rape. Two: It is Beachbum's universe so he can have them move at whatever speed he wishes. Also I think that he is a big boy so he doesn't need any one to protect his ego, but I do get tired of seeing those without reading comprehension trying to be Lit. critics. He has said many time that he welcome useful criticisms but a lot of them seem to me to be of no benefit to anyone. I personally don't like everything he writes but if I don't like it I will move on to something else without implying that he doesn't know what he is doing.

I've heard talk that this is 'rushed' and whatnot. All I have to say to that, kiddies, is 'genetic attraction' ... it is a thing. That is all. This is excellent writing, characters are visceral and believable (though Ash really should consider investing her brother's money more wisely but in her defence, she has a lot of stress to iron out), and I'm thoroughly hooked. Now to read on, tensely waiting for things to go horribly wrong and break my heart D: Here I goooooooo -- HWD -`ღ´-

this was one of your first stories.

There's been enough said about the timing of the plot movement, and I think you see it, yourself.

I wanted to mention an issue related to the setting of the story in time. You're a Brit, so can be excused, (you're frame of reference is the tiny little boxes you drive around the island), but a 1990 LeSabre is not a 'big American' car.

I have a restored 1989 Olds 88, which is the sister car to a LeSabre. I frequently tell people it was designed by Detroit auto engineers left over from the 60's & 70's, the heyday of muscle cars. They wanted to build a muscle car, and GM said, 'OK, just make sure it's 2/3's the size, has front wheel drive and a V6! Not exactly the hallmarks of the feeling you were going for in Rag Doll..

You mentioned the story being inpired by the song, Rag Doll. The era of that song should have hinted to you to put this story back a generation; it would have been right where you wanted it, if the car had been a 60's or '70's LeSabre.

Even as late as 1980, the LeSabre was a massive car, with a huge V-8 and rear wheel drive. It would have fit perfectly with both the narrative during the 'tune-up' scene, as well as the internal dialogue of Nik, 'the mechanic'.

But, that's how you learn, throw it against the wall, and see what sticks.

Your tone and voice is good, mechanics are solid, (though thoroughly British; so some linguistic differences will come off as 'incorrect' to ''mericun ears'. lol

Oh, one other point about setting. You describe the house as a ranch style, then later when Nik is fitting locks to the windows, you talk about the '30's and sash locks. Ranch style didn't come into being until the post war boom in the '50's. The windows in a ranch, even the earliest, would have been aluminum, or as you Brits call it, 'aluminium', but let's not get into that imbroglio!

"Details, it's always the damn details!"

Thanks for sharing your imagination and for the work it takes to put something together for submission. Hope my comments help with future work.

Regards,

GeoD

First of all, the song inspired the story, but this is not the story of the song. It's a timeless story, so where and when it's set is of no particular consequence; if I thought the story would worked best in colonial Tanganyika, I would have set it there; it's my story as I saw it, and the setting, a sort of timeless, eternal 'now' is perfect as far as I'm concerned, and if you disagree and want a story set in the 60's, I urge you go and write it. I wasn't there for most of it, so I doubt I could or would want to write about it.

Ranch-style, to brits, implies 'bungalow'; as 99% of Americans have no idea what a bungalow is, single-storey ranch-style conveys the general idea and lets the readers in the UK, Canada and Australia in on what I mean. And finally, to any brit, all American cars are huge; we don't have 16-lane freeways and streets designed to turn a conestoga wagon around in, so our cars are small, efficient, and compact, to fit the medieval pattern of our city streets; any American car would be unusable in most cities in the UK, and are therefore considered huge and impractical in comparison to the compacts we drive. The story is being told from the viewpoint of a newbie to the country, perhaps you should try and keep that in mind before you rewrite my stories to suit your prejudices and preconceptions.

Oh, and PS: My daughter's godmother lives in a 1930's single-story 'ranch-style' wooden house in Sarasota Springs, it has a single, walk-through hall with front and back doors facing each and the rooms on either side of the central hallway, and original Red Cedar door and window frames and window sashes, not 'aluminum'; while it's not as ramshackle as the house in the story,where do you think I got Julia's house from?

First, I really enjoyed your story, I am totally old enough to remember "Rag Doll" and understand the comparison, and also understand the idea of the big American car as I worked on MGs, Jag XK120s as a teen and owned and raced a Sunbeam Alpine series 1 in the early 60s. I am not the writer of the remark that upset you but think you should let those comments run off your back as if oiled; you wrote a good story from an English point of view and should be proud of it; please keep up the effort and write the next chapter. I look forward to it! Thank you for a job well done, in my humble opinion, you had me well into the story with vivid mental pictures of the house and car as well as Ashley. Only questioning comment is why he let that bastard whip him so, he should have beat him within an inch, only saved by his step-mother, but it is your story! Do continue.

This is the first story of yours that I've read, and I must say, it's one of the most well-written stories that I've read on Literotica! I read a few comments regarding the pacing, and I totally disagree with them. It's a short story, not a novella, and to me the pacing was perfect.

I admit I came here looking for a "stroke story", as do probably most of the readers, yet I found this story (and chapter) so compelling in its writing that I completely forgot about that as I immersed myself in the plot. I began to care deeply for the step-mother, and was as sad as Nicky at her suicide. I felt all the emotions of all involved and thought that it was as near-perfect a story as I've ever read here. I actually skipped over half of the description of their second lovemaking, just so I could get back to the plot to see what happened next! You, sir, are a gifted writer and I'm thankful that you've posted your stories for us to read. You have my sincere gratitude!

I am on page 3, but had to stop for a minute to write this. I wil just say this is a damn good story. I am having a tough time of it because i keep crying. The emotion you convey with your words is what a lot of authors are trying to achieve. You are very good at this, i see now why this one is in the hall of fame

I like this opening chapter. My only suggestion is that the relationship between Nicky and Ashley develops a bit too quickly. An alternative with more plot tension would be that, initially, Ashley is angry and resentful at Nicky for not being there for them. Perhaps she idealizes that his life in England was easy and good. His injuries--physical and emotional--could be revealed in subsequent scenes. Their relationship could then develop from a more equal footing thereafter.

I Like this Story very well so Far .. Keep up the Great Work

Never expected such depth in characters and plot. Great surprise and a wonderful change.

I wonder if this is the work of a known writer who does this under a pseudonym because he loves sexy stories but can't damage his image. The whole set up is truly professional!!

Let me assure you, I'm not now, never have been, and never will be, a professional author, or indeed an author of any kind. I write the stories I'd like to read, in a narrative style that seems to me to most clearly share how the story unfolds and the characters look and behave in the story in my head, so thank you for your misapprehension, but you are 100% mistaken

A nice read with a nice ending not as Watford and depraved as some of stories stories on here, each to their own. Well done author.

One minor nit - Nick's birth certificate gives his name as Davis but his drivers license says Davies - he'd have a real problem obtaining a passport without a second form of ID and, since his drivers license does not agree with his birth certificate, it ain't gonna happen.

And the official at the Embassy addressed him as Mr Davies which didn't agree with his birth certificate (and wouldn't agree with his newly issued passport)

Of course things differ from the real world, this is not a documentary about real things happening to real people, it's a story, and story things happen a certain way because the author needs them to, because IT'S A STORY, NOT REALIT,Y got that, dumbass? If you want reality then buy a paper, turn on the TV, or look out the window; these are the fictional actions of fictional people in a fictional world where fictional things happen, and if you want to invest any reality in it then go ahead; it doesn't make you right.

Grow TF up, read and enjoy, or buy a phone book and check for spelling errors because smugly pointing out pointless trivial differences seems to give you such a hugely enjoyable bug up your ass

I think the thing that you are forgetting is that he is a dual national what he got in the UK from the DVLC (for his Driving licence) would be off the back of his British birth registration via the registering a birth abroad process, so in effect he would have two birth certificates. As for being called Davies by the guy on getting his US Passport, I simply took that as what he heard the guy say.... not necessarily what the guy said

You can’t enter the us with more than $10000 in cash. Well, you can but you have to declare it and explain it. Not declaring it can be a problem.

I'm going to like this one. I'm torn because I have to get back to work when I'd rather read the next installment of this! 5 stars 🌟

Okay, now that I'm off duty...by a show of hands, how many people here believe that the stepmother was murdered and didn't commit suicide? ✋ I'm going to have to RAFO that one. I think Dad offed her. Her death happened too damn fast and suspiciously. I don't put it above Dad to travel to the USA and try to screw over everyone there.

From a critical perspective, I think that Nicky and Ashley ended up in bed together far too quickly. I would have enjoyed it more if they took a little bit more time to find each other. From a real life perspective, I have first hand experience with pining for a long lost sibling. You can become brother/sister in a matter of minutes. Physical attraction and love takes a whole lot longer. Granted, this is Beachbum's fantasy world and he has poetic license to mold it as he sees fit. But grand departures from reasonable plausibility do not make for a great yarn.

Much as I like this story, we do find out later that Nick's last name isn't Davies, it's Davis, so when he applied for a passport his drivers license and his birth certificate wouldn't agree. So no passport.

He abandoned his mom? To a vicious man? Not a good indicator of character.

Someone beat me to it - when he applied for a passport his drivers license had a different name so he's SOL

God I love this series, read it so many times, you other stories as well

Amazing start so far. I really like all the characters.

Good enough to make me read part 2. BUT, after a few days he and Ashley are in love? With his background of abuse, I would think he would be shy, or slower with the romance. The Stepmom dying? really? Oh well, your story.

Is this supposed to be a sequel to nia?