Fantastic story - loved it! Can't wait to read more:)
When I grow up, i want to be like Afton:-), poor Ethan, he stood no chance. Can't wait for the next chapter! Very nice start
So fuckng hot!! Please more very soon!! 5 stars!!
Hot!! Loved it and love them. The sexual tension and heat is great. Would like to see more seduction first before they get to sex again. It's the suspense that works well.
A few spelling and grammar mistakes. (Mansion, not Manson). A couple of others but only slightly distracted me as the rest is fab.
A more thorough edit would help that.
Look forward to next chapter
Agree with an anonymous reader. Add more seduction and suspense prior to additional sex. The pace was quite fast especially for Ethan. Were his dreams of marriage so shallow that he switched teams just for a hot rich guy? Tension of sexual desires creates a story with more depth. I know it's your first story. Regardless I very much liked it and the characters. Ethan could really do with more character development. Ashton a bit more. Please continue writing. I look forward to your plans with the story.
Ethan gave it up too quickly. Afton seems sophisticated and the type who would enjoy a good chase. I was looking for a little more cat and mouse.
This is my first time to leave a comment in here.... PPPPPPLLLLLEEAAASEE WRITE MORE!!! I love it!!
Loved the story and descriptive details. Hot. Hot Hot. Can't wait to read the next chapter (;
I was disappointed that you had Ethan capitulate to Afton so quickly. You paint him as someone in denial of his sexuality. No matter how powerful or seductive Afton is, a person in TRUE denial wouldn't move that quickly. Afton should have had to work harder to get him.
Also, you misspelled 'mansion', and there were other grammatical errors as well. Need to proofread a little more. So, while the story has great potential, the flaws and the pacing only merit 4 stars.
Damn, where's the back story, the plot. It was like, Let's just get to the fucking, story be damned. We'll fill in the gaps later. Butt plug is preferential stretching? Of the imagination anyway.
There is a unanimous vote that Ethan gave it up too quickly I have to agree. One or two grammatical errors. It is painting a picture of Afton, as you put it a predator, I don't really think that is what he is. Ethan may have been having fantasies and feelings to try it out but it would have been nice for them to really sit down and talk properly. Ethan knew he was being pursued by I don't see him as being weak.
All in all a good story and I am interested to see more, but as he stated when he first met Afton, he has a girlfriend and he brought her to the party. I wonder if Mary knows more about Ethan than he realizes too??
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