All Comments on 'The Gift of the Cards Ch. 01'

"guess" = guys, "He" = her

... do some research on Tarot, because you clearly know nothing about it!

You could probably simplify and make it easier to read by eliminating most (or all) of the use of the past perfect tense. It isn't necessary.

It wouldn't hurt to check your work, but, ignore the grammar nazis. Are you using Tarot as a device or are you trying to promote it? If the first, who gives a damn if you're authentic. If the second, I don't really care if you got it right or not.

Keep writing.

It's the former with the Tarot cards, they're just a device, I'm not overly concerned with authenticity, apologies to anyone who that's a problem for.

I'd be pleased enough that someone can only find two typos in it, that kind of human error is pretty standard even with proof-reading, but good thing sbrooks is on the case anyway. ;)

The past tense thing I admit ended up coming off forced, I wanted to put it all in italics but wasn't sure how to when submitting, dunno if that would have made it better though.

Thanks for a very entertaining and hot tale. You've set up the characters well and the story has many possibilities.

Nicely done, a very good read and extremely arousing... my one suggestion would be to not feel so rushed toward the end. It seems our hero finally was getting some action, and you brushed past it in just two short paragraphs. Fill it out more, give more details and try to prolong the action a bit. It makes for a better story and maybe a more arousing story.

It's been 4 months... is there a part 2 coming any time soon?

I REALLY liked your story, and was crushed when I realized that there were not any more chapters. Its the start of a great story.