by erectus123
Some interesting lines and some good assonance here. The title of the series is a little off putting but then maybe that's your point.
Liked this line. to splay its center like
a ripe pomegranate
mr. E, what is missing? not much, you are just about hitting it all with economy, this is your style, and now your POETRY, I would like to think I had a small part, but fuck me,
here's your 5 with no hemming, and really got to admire the cunt/pomegranate play. 'Cause really if you can't offend somebody, while doing your job, you might not be doing the job, I know a mystery, maybe ash can explain it.
and you have taken such care to pare this down to the essential story, reportorial and somewhat voyeuristic but also poetic. Like 12 said, this has become your poetry. I don't have an issue with your use of cunt or vag because they work best in this context. What would work better there? I don't know. Also want to say that your framing of the whole piece and individual lines is impressive. Really great work here. :-)
Fabulous even though it's pared right down you still keep the flow going and the story held me to the end. Very happy to give it a 5