by demure101
Change is the Eternal Constant or Parivartan Kudrat ki Dharam hai :5-ed .
really liked the originality (to my eyes) of this phrase:
and the jealous hands that wring your hours
I like this a great deal
Really like the flow, build up and the sentiment expressed. The irregular rhyming (no doubt there is a technical word for it) was striking. You had something worth saying and you said it well.
In particular I liked the ‘there was a time, there were a lot of times’ also ‘then I still believed because I never thought’ - but really all of it.
I think you should be very proud of this poem.
One tiny quibble, I find ‘rosy’ jars. Mainly the sound but also the inherent cliché. For some reason I prefer ‘safe’ both for sound and meaning – it ties back to the sense of what has gone before while the contrast with the dull colours needs no such reference. Just my feeling to be discarded (by you).
The spelling mistake does not matter but if one writes in something like Word that has a spell checker & then pastes in, one is only left with the subtler errors. Like what I have with this comment.
I prefer this poem to many of your others because it seems felt rather than observed. Well written, Does the third stanza have some of its genesis in Othello?
of the world we create like yours, Demure, and if we stay too long in one we get surprised. Long time ago I remember my mother saying "I look at my hands and see an old lady's hands, not mine." We need both worlds. Beautiful poem.
With sincere respect to ishat, in my opinion your observations, both what you see and how you describe them, convey a lot of what you are feeling
The poignancy of this hit me in the gut! These are my thoughts, my feelings...my wounds! Well done, my friend!