All Comments on 'Of Roses and Thorns'

Well that was bloody fantastic. I meant absolutely fantastic. 10/10 perfection. Plot, setting, characters, and hot as absolute hell. Most impressed.

The epitome of erotic horror, wish I could give it 10 stars.

This is much stronger than the average fare in the category. It feels emotionally grounded and very firmly invested in itself. By which I mean, this feels like a story that's about something more than just the events themselves. There's a point to it, and it's a point consistent and unique to the characters involved.

I don't mean that it has a moral or anything prosaic like that, I just mean that lots of horror stories are just written for the sake of what happens: The writer wants to write about a haunted house and a scary chase, etc, and that's all there is to it. Here those elements are not the point itself. The point is the relationship and welfare of the protagonists, and those plot devices are a vehicle for that. It's a basic but critical consideration that often gets neglected. Further, the prose feels credible for the most part, lacking the amateurishness and underdeveloped tone that bedevils writers who haven't yet spent enough time at their craft. And though it's relatively long by the standards of online erotic literature, it rarely drags and never feels inflated or self-indulgent.

Of course, no story is perfect. In this case, I would say that while the author and reader may feel invested in the characters (because, by and large, they seem like relatable people), it's not entirely clear why they're invested in each other. We know that they're a couple genuinely in love and genuinely interested in one another, but we don't get a great sense of why. Adam finds Rachel attractive because she's good looking in a singular way that relates to her own sense of style and identity, but is that all? What attracts him to her other than her looks? I'm not sure anyone ever says. And as for Rachel, I'm not sure what she sees in Adam at all. These blind spots creep into their interactions together. Consider this exchange:

[["I never figured you as a closet lesbian."

"Oh, you'd love ghost girlie," Rachel told me, playing right along. "She was pretty. Had long blonde hair, big rack. What is it guys say, 'curtains matched the rug' or something? And blue eyes like I've never seen."]]

People do not talk like this. Even couples who are romantically teasing each other in a potentially awkward moment don't talk like this. It just sounds forced. Probably because it is, because (if you'll pardon my presumption) I don't think this writer quite understands the relationship at the core of this story, and so whenever the characters are together it just feels off. To be a real 5-star story, we should care not just about the characters themselves but about their relationship. We should believe that these two belong together, that their marriage is something worth fighting for, and that in the end it's not just their lives and sanity they've saved but also something bigger and more important than either of them individually. Right now, I don't think we have that. If I were the editor on this story, I would say that's the missing piece without which this story is not really complete, and in fact is not yet even really the story it sets out to be.

I admire the writer for introducing the element infidelity and the underlying tension it creates. And I particularly like that the point was addressed but not belabored. It was not necessary to explain precisely what happened in the past and it's smart of the writer to realize that and gives us only the emotional ramifications in the present rather than an info dump, as some others would probably have done. We don't need "the full story," though a few readers would probably call for it.

And it was even more smart not to give us this reveal up front but instead to reserve it for a moment when it ratcheted up the growing tension in the narrative. This avoided cumbersome exposition in the beginning (another very common problem with stories in this category) and maintained the story's momentum. However, smartly implemented thought it was, I also feel that this part of the story was underdeveloped.

Clearly we are to make a connection (not a direct, literal connection but rather an emotional one) between the fallout of those past acts of infidelity and the problems deviling the couple now. The literal ghosts of the past are, in some way, the ripple of the couple's own "ghosts," the unresolved conflict about what's gone on before. But while this idea is floated and then later confirmed when the characters address it directly, it never becomes "solid," for lack of a better word. If you wanted to, you could write this exact same story without that element in play. The result would be thematically weaker, but the plot would probably be virtually identical. It would be an even stronger story if this theme had a more direct impact on it. Admittedly, I cannot off the top of my head think of a suggested way to do this. But even so, it cannot be ignored that this motif remains more an ornament than an essential element.

Still, even with these problems in mind it's clearly a strong contender and a cut above most similar offerings. We should certainly welcome stories like this and encourage writers to produce more like them. There's value here. Good luck, and thanks for sharing.

There was obviously a lot of work out into this and it's one of my all time favorites. I'm extremely happy with what we got, but could there perhaps be a sequal? The ghosts move on to a new couple maybe? It's so amazing I don't want it to end...

Okay...I can admit it. I was hooked from the first paragraph. Weird ghost sex magic or something that seduced them. Rose seemed to have that magical allure that went beyond the physical. Very good story.