Secret Love Ch. 9
by Deann Laws ©
"Come on sweetheart, don't stop!" she begged me, as I continued to kiss her and neared climax, but we both stopped immediately as we heard the voice on the machine. We laid motionless turning our heads towards the phone listening to the message.
A man's voice was on the machine and I knew immediately who it was by the expression on Lauri's face.
"Lauri, this is Jim. I know honey you probably don't want to talk to me after all this time, but please give us this chance. I miss you. I know I made a mistake darling. I've left this other women. I don't love her, and I only want you. I want us to work our marriage out, not just for the kids, but because I love you and need you in my life. Please, Lauri, pick up if your there. Lauri? Okay, maybe your out. Can you please call me back when you get in, or can we talk please? I'll come by tomorrow to see you. Please Lauri we need to talk. I love you." Then we heard him hang up.
I swallowed in shock, as too, did Lauri. I didn't know what to say. Lauri got up silently showing no emotion as she picked her clothes up from the floor and got dressed. I waited for her to look at me, to say something to me but she sat there in silence. I stood there looking at her waiting for something, but she wouldn't even look my way. I grabbed my clothes and ran up the stairs and got dressed. This phone call was my wake up call, and by Lauri's expression and lack of, towards me after this gave me my answer. I knew what I had to do.
I grabbed a bag and threw it on the bed, and started to pack my clothes as I felt the stinging hot tears run down my face. I loved her with all of my heart, but I should have realized that she would never leave her husband for me, and I had to face that reality and devastation. I was totally heart broken, but I couldn't come between her and her husband. She would have to leave him because she didn't love him or want him anymore, not because I forced her into that position. I want her to love me for me, and only me, but deep down in my heart I knew that was impossible for she was in love with two people. I loved her too much, and that is why I had to let her go and give her back her life.
I finished packing as I collapsed to the floor as I sobbed uncontrollably. I could hardly move, I was so devastated, but now I had to put on a strong face and face Lauri downstairs. I got my sobbing under control, wiped away my tears, grabbed my bags and headed down the stairs. I walked down the stairs and saw Lauri sitting with her legs curled up in a ball crying.
I went up to her, asking for something, some response, but she refused to respond to me. I looked back one more time and told her I loved her, and walked towards the door. Suddenly she screamed out for me not to leave running up to me hugging and pulling on me. I dropped my bags and held her as we both cried.
I pulled away trying to regain my composure. I looked into her loving eyes with so much love and hurt that was reflected back towards me. I asked her one simple question. "Do you still love him?" She hung her head and said nothing for I knew she still did.
I felt my tears hot upon my face again, "Can I ask you another question?" I said crying as I spoke. "Lauri, if your husband never cheated on you, would you and I have ever happened?" She hung her head, but I lifted her chin towards me. She cried as she looked into my eyes and said, "No."
I turned my head with hurt and pain as I began to walk out the door but she still clung to me pulling me back. "Please don't leave Samantha, I do love you, and need you in my life. We'll work this out, please, stay with me." she begged and pleaded.
I saw the love but also confusion in her eyes. "I can't be in the middle of you and your husband Lauri. I love you too much. I need you, and only you, but I won't be your little pawn in this. I can't be with you if you sleep in his bed. I'm sorry Lauri, I'm so sorry." I said crying and turning away from her.
"Please!" she cried out, "I love you!"
"Oh God Lauri, I love you so much," I said as I pulled her in for one last passionate kiss. "God if only you could tell me you didn't love him, and only wanted me, but you can't."
I turned and walked out of her life for good. Lauri collapsed to the floor screaming out to Samantha crying but it did no good, for Samantha left her. Lauri remained in that position all night in a ball, crying and sobbing for she had lost the best thing in her life. She couldn't stop it from happening for what Samantha had said was true, she did still love her husband and was in love with them both, and for the life of her she didn't know what to do, nor knew how she could ever live without Samantha either for she loved her with all of her heart.
Samantha had run outside to her car crying uncontrollably. She couldn't look back for she knew she would give in to her. She loved her so much and couldn't imagine her life without her, but she had to leave, run from her. Samantha climbed into her car and made the heartwrenching drive away from Lauri's house leaving her for good.
The next few weeks before graduation were the hardest for both Lauri and Samantha. They hadn't seen or made contact since then, and they both were miserable and depressed and missing the other, but neither one would give in and call.
Samantha was running again, like she did in her past. She had to get away from all of the hurt and pain. She did her best and sent out resumes to everyone out of state to find a program she could start immediately soon after graduation where she could acquire her clinical skills and work later on. She figured nothing was keeping her there anymore, so she needed to get away from it all. She had to get away from Lauri, and instead of facing her fears, she was running from them yet again.
One week before graduation she received a call. There had been other responses to her resumes but this one took her the furthest away from all of her hurt and pain. A call came in from Pennsylvania.
"Hello, may I speak with Ms. Pearson please?" the person from the other end asked.
"Yes, this is Samantha Pearson speaking."
"Hello Samantha, my name is Dr. Johnson, I'm calling from Pennsylvania. You sent us your resume and cover letter explaining your situation with obtaining clinical requirements as well as a job postion later on. Well I have a proposition for you, if you are interested?"
"Yes, go ahead, " I said eagerly.
"Well I have two practices here. I supervise and run the clinic here at the University of Pennsylvania in Philadelphia, and also have my own private practice as well. You could help me and assist me at the university and gain your clinical requirements that way. And if you pass your boards and promise me a contract to work at my practice afterwards then I'll hire you. Now let me tell you, there are others I'm considering but your resume and cover letter intrigued me. If your interested let me know, but I do need to know soon as we want to hire someone as soon as possible."
"Well, Dr. Johnson, there's no need for you to wait any longer for my answer, there's nothing holding me here, " I said sadly, "I graduate in a week, and as soon as you need me there let me know. Give me enough time to get moved first but I can start as soon as you need me."
"Okay, that is great then Samantha. We'll be in touch then. I'll send you off the necessary paperwork and will be seeing you soon."
"Thank you Dr. Johnson for this opportunity."
"Oh and by the way, you can call me Patti. Dr. Johnson is so formal. If you're going to be working for me then get use to calling me Patti, everyone else does. I'm pretty laid back but you'll find that out when you come here." I could hear the smile in her voice and I could tell that she was going to be a wonderful person to work for.
"Thank you Dr...um.. I mean Patti. I'll talk to you soon."
I hung up the phone. My excitement was short lived as my thoughts of Lauri and the sadness there filled me, and how I wish things could have been so different. But I knew this was the only way. I had to leave for I couldn't live in the same town and be around the woman I loved if I couldn't have her.
The arrangements were made and I was moving a few days after graduation. Dr. Johnson sent me all the forms and it was all set. I called and made arrangements for movers to come and pack my things, so all I had to do was jump in my car with a few of my things and drive out there.
Tonight was my graduation, though I was pleased this day had finally come a heaviness was still with me. I met Shirley early for dinner before we headed over to the auditorium. I tried to put on a happy face for Shirley, as we chatted for awhile over dinner discussing our future plans. I had to hide my sadness for no one could know and find out.
"So Shirley, what are your plans after graduation?"
"Hmm...well I'm not too sure Samantha. I sent some resumes out and have a few responses, but I have family out East and I'm thinking maybe I might go out there."
"Oh really!" I said surprised.
"Why?" Shirley said looking at me puzzled.
"Oh I just think it's a small world is all. You see, " I said smiling, "I just took a position out there and am moving to Pennsylvania after graduation. I've been offered a great opportunity to finish my clinical requirements and work as well. In fact, I might even try and get my Masters degree there if I have time."
"Wow, that's great news Samantha. Well if I ever make it out there I'll have to look you up."
"Yeah, you better do that!" I said smiling. "Well, we better head on over to the auditorium." I said taking a deep breath.
"Yes, graduation...finally!" Shirley said excitedly.
We both made our way over to the auditorium and prepared for the ceremony, dressing into our graduation gowns and hats. I walked in the bathroom straightening my gown and hat trying to be happy for myself but I knew this would be the last time I would see Lauri. Actually this would be the first time we would see each other again since I left her house. I didn't know how she had been doing, or what she had been doing for neither of us had attempted to call the other. Maybe we were both too damn stubborn to give in, or maybe our fears and the truth of reality of things held us back. I don't know. "Well maybe this is for the best anyway," I said to myself as I finished straightening my gown in the mirror.
Back at Lauri's place she was feeling the same things Samantha had been feeling the past few weeks. She wanted to call her, to tell her that she loved her but felt that maybe Samantha was better off without her. "I've hurt her too much already, it's probably best this way anyway." She said sadly as she wiped away her tears. Lauri looked into the mirror fixing her makeup from the tears that had washed over her face. "Get yourself together here, Lauri. Samantha can't see you this way at graduation." Lauri said trying to put on a strong face before she left for the auditorium.
Lauri's children had been back now, and sadly Lauri agreed to take her husband back. She thought she should feel happy since her husband was back in her house and life again, but she couldn't stop thinking of Samantha and loving her. Everytime her husband touched her she felt such a sadness for she wished his touches were Samantha's. She still loved her husband, but something was different, something had changed. Or maybe it wasn't that anything changed, maybe she just never really loved her husband as deeply as she loved and still loves Samantha. Her husband thought that Lauri's rejections to his touches was from his unfaithfulness, and Lauri just led him to believe that, as she told him it would just take time to heal from that. Though in her heart she truly meant time to heal from losing Samantha, though she knew she would never stop loving Samantha, and would never get over her, but maybe with time she thought, the hurt wouldn't be as bad.
I walked out into the auditorium and took my seat next to Shirley and the other students as our graduation ceremony began. We sat there listening to speakers, and our instructors as each went up there and spoke to us congratulating us on making it this far. When Lauri was up there saying her speech I couldn't tear my eyes away from her, as her eyes found mine as well.
For a moment time stood still as our eyes met, then Lauri looked away and finished her speech before calling each of us up to the stage to receive our diplomas. My name was called as I slowly left my chair and made my way up to the stage. I felt my palms sweating and my heart beating out of my chest as I got closer to Lauri. She congratulated me and handed me my diploma. I could still see the love and pain in her eyes, as our eyes momentarily met once more. I returned to my seat with my diploma as we waited for the other students to receive their degree.
When we all returned back to our seats, we stood awaiting our speakers signal congratulating us as we threw our hats up into the air and cheered. We turned to each other and hugged and congratulated each other, hugging and crying and saying our final goodbyes and wishing everyone well. I came up to Shirley and we hugged each other. She promised to look me up if she made it out East, and we hugged goodbye. After saying our goodbyes the auditorium was becoming empty for many had left. I was about to head back to my apartment when I felt a hand tap me on my shoulder. I turned around and it was Lauri.
She congratulated me and asked me how I was doing. I told her I was well, though that was a strict lie. She said things were okay with her as well, though I think we both knew otherwise and that we were only being polite with each other. I told her I was leaving the day after tomorrow and she got this distant sad look in her eyes even though she wished me well. She asked me if she could come by before I left. I was a bit hesistant but told her it would be alright. So we said our goodbyes as we both turned and walked away from each other. I looked back momentarily at her as I saw her walk away. I took a breath, before turning back around and walking out.
Lauri walked off trying to hold her tears in as she didn't dare look back at Samantha, but she stopped and looked back momentarily as she saw Samantha walking off. She sadly sighed, remembering their memories together as she turned back around and walked out.
"Well that should be everything," I said to the movers as they carried the rest of my boxes out of my apartment.
I finished loading some of my clothes and odds and ends in my car before looking back one last time at my apartment. I grabbed my keys, and smiled at the memories that I had shared here. More importantly was the memories that Lauri and I had shared and the love we had shared together, a part of me that would never let go, for I would never stop loving her.
I hesistated before leaving, I guess I had hoped Lauri would stop by before I left, but she never showed, and I couldn't wait around any longer for I needed to get on the road. I had a long drive ahead that awaited me. I walked out to my car and jumped in. I looked around one last time in search of Lauri, but I didn't see her anywhere. I sighed sadly to myself as I started my car and pulled out of the driveway. "I'll miss you Lauri," I said out loud, dealing with my own way of closure of saying goodbye to her for my own peace of mind. I turned the radio on as the song "Total Eclipse of the Heart" played, my own sentiments exactly, as I heard the words repeat over and over again in my head even after the song had ended.
"Once upon a time I was falling in love now I'm only falling apart nothing I can do... Total Eclipse of the Heart...
Once upon a time there was light in my life but now there's only love in the dark nothing I can say Total Eclipse of the Heart..."
To be continued...
|Another top quality story by Deann Laws.|
© Copyright 1999 by literotica.com.