****************************
Married ( separated ) ; just turned 60 in July 2021.
****************************
I first discovered Lit about 20 years ago. ( Between marriages )
Then while exploring a chat room, I met a wonderful gal who introduced me to some aspect of BDSM.
Those were heady days. After many months of being online and on the phone, we actually met IRL.
She allowed/encouraged me to explore my own strength and learn a bit.
That small taste has been a longing ever since.
I realise that what intrigues me about BDSM is the exaggerated focus on a variety of aspects that normally should be a part of any relationship.
Security, Trust, Vulnerability, Strength, all of these are needed in a vanilla or a D/s relationship.
The intoxicating feeling I get at the thought of a woman giving of herself completely and trusting me totally with her body and mind is beyond words sometimes.
I can only imagine the feeling on her part, being totally bound and vulnerable, knowing that I could inflict anything of my choice, but being able to Trust me to know her enough to take the gift she offers me without taking more than she is able to give and violate that trust. A trust that must be earned by me, leading to the offer of herself. Isn't that how "normal" relationships "should" go?
While the power of being "Master" or a "Dom" is a heady thing, it does not reflect exactly who I am and who I want to be.
I think for me, being in a D/s relationship is more about me being able to "Lead" well. That is with strength, confidence and self discipline.
Leadership does not have to be a harsh or overbearing subjugation of another person. Rather it is a gently but firm guiding, keeping us on track of where we both need to going.
Consequently, what I am looking for in a relationship is not a slave but a partner, one who will be a full participant in our lives but also one that will respect my position as leader and be willing to risk letting me lead.
It will be that my partner( wife / GF ) will allow her own submission because of her Trust in me. A Trust that is constantly being refined by me, and acknowledged by her.
My role being to establish an environment where she can grow into all that she can be, knowing I have her best interests in mind.
Though I have never been involved in a real time D/s relationship, I realise that it is still a deep longing and in the end is what I am hoping for in the future.
This scene is where I realise i am in life..
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4aM1DjtaeF8
Any thoughts are more than welcome.
Regards to all who read this.
Cheers,
Location
Southern California USAGender
Male