All Comments on 'A Refrain for Triona'

/...the secrets severed what was sweetest

Before you ceased../ is killer, very good, first rate

/Eventually though, time creases all the memories most unfolded,/

/Softening them somehow and I'm much older now/ is not, "creases all the memories most unfolded," sounds awkward

I feel you would be far better off to concentrate on weeding verbiage, you have the writing part down pat.