All Comments on 'Always Wanting More'

I don't remember writing this, nor titling it like that. Weird...

apt description, of how I feel about this:

the afterthought of eyes,

all this blue and green,

peeking from between

And later, eyes open,

dream again of the same

in the evening's rusty twilight, (this line could be better)

begging for reality to replace

the sweating, needing release

that never comes.

great lines here, I want more

It's good!!!!!!! ;-)

An erotic poem without cliche, containing such originality and clarity of imagery, seriously, how could I pass that up? The key to this poem's intensity is attention to contextual detail. "little split nail scratches", "when shoulders press/legs in layers". There is some subtle use of alliteration and assonance, and one particular spot where it's all jumbled together but you still feel it "begging for reality to replace/the sweating, needing release". Only one phrase was a little cliche and so obvious in this poem and that was, shit, lemme find it... "moaning quietly". Cut that out, and I would have given it a five.