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Click herePlease do not ask, Amante, if we love.
Darkness is nigh; the moon is lemon pale,
and we embrace in arms of comet trail,
awash in teardrops from the stars above.
Trabe los ojos, ángel. Dése yo.
Empuje el dolor dentro de mí.
I am your mouth. You are my sea.
We are primordial in mingled flow.
Susurro a mí; let all our secrets go
into tides, mi dulce, where we are free
to float enrapt in moan and sigh. The night
unfolds its depths in lips, in languor slow.
You make your limbs enfold me as a tree
clings to the midnight Sun, drinking its light.
We soar here together, enjoined like dove
to wing. We cry one song, our voices sail
to safer harbor, past where we might fail
against the crags, heedless strike and shove
of circumstance. Querida, cast off fright.
Don't call it love, Amante, call it right.
This poem was mentioned in the Archival Review thread, in a picking through Lit's archive of over 37,500 poems.
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and reads like the succulent love poem that it is meant to be. terrific series, Eleanora ;)
Ok, I'm going to be picky here, because it was form you chose to use. The iambic pentameter was dead on, but sometimes it was off a bit, and others it was inverted.
If it wasn't a hypersonnet, I would love this poem with it's bilingual flair is faboo.
I love the latina in youuuu. This poem has a lot of vida *grin* I missed the forms, structural breaks, and only a few points really flow. I think your iambic pentameter needs work too, but if I ignore the hypersonnet part, it's a good poem.
How perfect is that line??
each poem amazes me more and more...and each one throws me into a meditation that lasts for some minutes
on how rich and beautiful and languid these words flow, and what sweet whispered emotions they carry.
muy bueno
muchos gracias