Broken Fucking Edges

Author’s note:
This one is personal. And might require a tiny bit of background for clarity’s sake. So...13 years ago this week I was diagnosed with cervical cancer. It was an advanced stage, and I could’ve easily lost my life. I fought like hell to live. And I did. But to do so I sacrificed the ability to fuck. I’ve always written erotic poetry, but since becoming literally unfuckable, my entire sex life, or at least the actual cock in pussy part, has existed in fantasies and dreams and words on the page. And now that I have someone I want to fuck and I can’t it’s more frustrating than ever. So this one is personal. And not one I can share in very many places. So I’m putting it here, trusting the kindness of strangers.

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In the dream
You came
In through my
Broken
Bedroom window
Showed me the
Cut edges were
All soft curves
As though
All the sharpness
Had been carefully
Smoothed out
Nothing jagged
Nothing to stop you
Or keep you away
Or keep you out
You said it was
More than a sign
It was an
Invitation
That you were
Pleased to
Accept and
When you slid
Into me
There was no
Resistance
My body
Had somehow
Smoothed out its
Broken
Jagged
Scarred
Edges
There was nothing to
Stop you or
Keep you away or
Keep you out
And you finally
Fucking me
Was a glorious
Relief

I woke up
And glanced toward
My bedroom window
No broken edges
Nothing jagged but
Nothing smooth either
Just solid glass
Impenetrable
Like me
I was tempted
To reach
Between my legs
Attempt to
Slide a finger in
But the fear of
Thirteen years of
Living with
The scars that
Come
From being healed
Left me hesitant

It’s not easy to be
A broken survivor
Left wishing for
Smooth edges
And no more
Fucking
Resistance
And you are
So patient
And so careful
But I want
To fuck you
The way I do
In my dreams
I want my body
To open to you
Wet and inviting
I want to remember
What it’s like
To have a cock
Inside me
And I want
That cock
To be yours

I survived
But parts of me
Are still so broken
And now I want
More
Now I want
Those parts of me
To fucking work
Now I want
More than survival
Now
I want a
Fucking
Life

Now
I want you
To fuck me
Hard and fast
Up against the wall
I want you
To fuck me
Doggie style
On the floor
Fingers dancing
On my clit
I want you
To fuck me
Face to face
In my bed
Slow and deep

Now
I want
To make up for
Thirteen years
Of not fucking
With you