Compendium of Cowboy Etiquette

In the doctor’s waiting room:

1.     While sitting in the waiting room, the gentleman cowboy never throws his boot up across his other knee, exposing the sole to ladies in the room. This is Texas, after all. You can’t be too sure what you may have stepped in on your way there.

2.     A cowboy’s hat has many important functions. Out on the range, it keeps the sun out of your eyes and your ears from looking like fried pork rinds. The gentleman cowboy should doff his hat when indoors and must find a place to keep it so that he does not leave it behind. In the waiting room, where many of the modern little heifers wear Spandex pants that clearly show no ‘panty lines’ nor even a pubic muff, the urbane cowboy may hold his hat in his lap to secrete a straining Zipper. On the other hand, the working cowboy may hang his hat on his knee. He, after all, has been eating dust, sweating, and staring at cow’s cracks all day long.

Out on the range:

1.     When sitting around the campfire, after a hard, hot day of pushing cattle, if you are going to enjoy a second helping of cookie’s pinto beans for dinner, have the good grace to sit down wind of the fire.

2.     Similarly, if you are wise, you won’t ride night heard single file, behind your pardner, after dinner.

3.     After sliding out of a sweaty saddle, any ball scratching and butt rubbing should be done out of sight of any female camp helpers.

4.     At mealtime, if you anticipate another shift in the saddle soon, eat lightly and don’t over spice your meal. Riding with your boots full and your pants glued to your ass is a torture that even the Devil would shy from.