All Comments on 'Danica due south'

really wonderful

It's a fine balance of saucy and sweet with a touch of rueful. There are a few typos, I think, (or write-o's, whatever we'd call them): for example, is there an "at" missing in the first line? And good as this is I think it could be tightened up more in the middle three strophes (the wording, to me, is over the top in a few spots). But overall I love the playful jumbly flow of words I associate with the way you write. The rhyme is surefooted and the more somber notes, where you play them (like in the second strophe) keep the poem anchored, not too airy and whimsical. I especially like the first strophe and the ending is great, strong, but it's all good. You do wonderful things with words.

thanks for the trip! I can learn a lot from your use of irregular rhyme.... how you create patterns then break them in all the right places. Thanks for this poem! Sometimes with your poems, I feel uneasy about the endings, I am not sure why, they kind of seem to use their aha moments within the body of the poem and I always want a zinger at the end.

That's some ride you take us on, I see you speeding through the wet and windy night to a special rendezvous

I would kill for lines like this:

a cloudy ache on a tripod

of restless legs

and a makeshift cane.

excellent lines,

your face, your eyes of deep green

jade stone, turned flint black

in that twisted glow.

these too, I don't know if you want the second your

100

with the beginning stronger (less vague?) than the ending. "[C]orroding in the rain" is a great, great line.

captured ride

of ups, and ups,

and learning

of oneself,

teaches me

much.