Deconstructing a Triangle

She and I are out for drinks
She needed to talk
She tells me it’s been months
Since you’ve touched her
Kissed her
Held her hand
She tells me she misses it
She tells me
You don’t even try anymore
I tell her she should try
She should initiate
She should reach for your hand
She shakes her head
Her eyes are shiny
I reach for her hand
She holds it tight
She says
I’m losing him
And she’s right
She is
She is losing him
To me

While I’m out with her
You’re out with a guy friend
You are texting me
Throughout the night
Sending pictures of
The drinks
The food
The fun
I show her every text
She looks at her phone
Rolls her eyes
He’s texting you
He knows I’m here
Right fucking next to you
And he’s not texting me
And I make all the right excuses
But I see her sad
Is quickly becoming anger
I see
She is thinking about
How to win you back
From me

I go to the bathroom
To text you
And tell you you to
Text your fucking wife
When I get back to the table
She is smiling
So I know you did
And it bothers me
Especially since
I don’t know
What you said
I threw this round to her
But I’m still pissed
To feel like I’m losing you
To her

I tell her
He should’ve just come with us
And then she says yes
Tell him that
So I text
You should’ve just come with us
And she makes me edit the text
To say that she said it
And I do
And she smirks
And I can tell
She thinks
She won this round too
And that just makes me
Up my strategy
She may win
Small moments
But the bigger picture
Is mine and
You will be in it
With me
Not her

So I spend the next hour
Drinking Manhattans with her
And telling her how
To make you
Want to
Fuck her
Because it is
what she needs to hear
Even though it kills me
To think about it
It is strategic
And I am banking on the hope
That if she tries
You will reject her
I am banking on the hope
That you will not cheat on me
With your wife so
I text you
Warn you
Your wife is
Going to try to
Fuck you tonight
Just go with it
You text back
Stop
No
I try not to smile
But this round is mine

We go back to the house
You arrive shortly after us
We chat a bit
She is tipsy
Says she’s going to bed
And tells you to drive me home
It’s late
She expects
You will come right back
To her
I know
You know
You won’t
You hold my hand in the car
Walk me in
Kiss me in the kitchen
I start to cry
Frustrated
With wanting you
So much
Loving you
So much
Fighting her
For you
So fucking much
Baby you say
Holding my face in your hands
What’s wrong?
I tell you she still loves you
You say no
She loves the idea of loving me
But she doesn’t love me
You love me
And I love you
Only you
Not her
I’m still winning
So I gamble

And I tell you
If you want her to love you
If you want to try it with her
If you want to fix it with her
I will step back
You say no
You say you don’t want that
Not with her
You say you want to
Leave her
And I feel like
I just hit the fucking jackpot
But I still feel bad
For her

It’s what I want to hear
But I push the stakes further
I tell you I can’t be the reason
I can’t be the reason
I can’t
Be
The reason
You swear I’m not
I don’t believe you
And I’m suddenly not sure
How much I really want to win
Or if it’s worth
What I will lose
When the game is over
I will lose
Me and her
I will lose
Our Throuple life

I never intended
to take you from her
We were supposed to be
An all of us
We were supposed
All love each other
We were supposed to
Give each other
What we all needed
We were supposed to
Be better
As a triangle
Than we could ever be
In any combination
Of parallel lines
We were all
Supposed to
Win

But the triangle fell apart
And your line
And my line
Intersected
And her line is
Floating adrift with
Nothing to anchor to
And she is suddenly
Feeling the disconnect
Between herself and you
And feeling the connect
Between you and me
Now we are all playing
For keeps

And she sees
That I am winning
And that is giving her
The determination
The drive
And the hunger
Not to win you but
To beat me

And it’s making her think
If she fucks you
Or at least
Makes you think
She wants to
Everything will be good again
It’s a gamble
It’s a hell of a play
With a hell of a risk

I don’t think
It’s a risk she should take
Fucking you
Will not make her the winner
It will just get her
Fucked

I suddenly feel
Like the game is
Already over
I feel
With relief
And terror
We all know
I have already
Won