All Comments on 'Denizens: Debbie'

How many of us know someone like this? Great poem... it doesn't judge, just paints a picture and lets the reader decide. Wonderful work.

with a scathing tone that slowly softens into one of sympathetic understanding. I really like how this transformed. Nice work ,Mutt

*therm burst between pride and joy

...that I'm am going to follow your Denizens series with relish. It's a damn fine portrait.

One silly detail... perhaps "hard nipples" instead of "hard breasts" pressed into his back? The basketballs of the Debbies I've known, all seem to have leaked some air.

This is great. I tried to write this poem five or six

years ago. I couldn't get it like you have. I didn't even know her name. Best bar poem I've ever read, bar none.

Do me a favor and read "Do You Know This Girl" by pinkhead.

You are the man who can tell me why I missed the pain.

Again, great!

your feet and are off and running.

This is a great piece.

as someone who has spent a few hours in a few bars...this is dead on.

You're making huge strides in your writing

Nice work

and Thank you

What a great poem! So many stirring images that capture the mood and person so accurately. It's sad in a way, but also about "whatever gets you through the night".

This is stitched tight with one remarkable image after another. Neon beer-sign bright poetry, Mutt! I like the "hard breasts" image better than "hard nipples": one implies surgery to stave off age, the other implies true excitement.

Why are people afraid of a goddamn thermometer?

and wonderfully written. Another feather in yuor denizen cap, Mutt, excellent work. my favorite line...

threatened her buttons

good one :rose:

Each denizen lives and breathes within the bar-world you've created here as well as thousands every where else.

Fabulous?much enjoyed. Thank you.

This poem is mentioned in the New Poems thread on the bulletin board

That was so dark and intense.

Touched too many emotions to mention. Mutt, shame LOL ;-)

You brat, that was fantastic!!

It needs to be polished a bit more. A few words need to be dropped or change--a few minor things to make it go from great to excellent.

For example:

Debbie was fading like the expensive blue jeans

that were painted on her womanly hips.

Okay, I like the part about her fading like her expensive jeans, but you pair it with that old image of painted on jeans and you paint them on womanly hips. I'd change that womanly adjective to a word that shows womanly/curvy hips. You could tie it in with painting. Maybe: her___hips. Fill the blank in with a painter's name or style of painting that suggests curves. Or try an expensive jean's name. In the 80s it was Gloria Vanderbilt jeans. So, you could say "painted on her Vanderbilt hips." Of course, there are better names to use, but this would make the painted on jean image fresher.

...your art would in very special places in my home...very special places...

A really tragic figure you show us here, ever living in dreams of long faded glory.

A really tragic figure you show us here, ever living in dreams of long faded glory.

Reads like a ballad of down on her luck American icon: the most attractive high school girl who did not hold back her charms. Any lessons learned? A quick look around that bar, I am sure, would have revealed many plain looking lonely people. The only difference she still stands out...

This poem was mentioned in the Archival Review thread, in a picking through Lit's archive of over 37,500 poems.

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This poem was mentioned in the Archival Review thread, in a picking through Lit's archive of over 37,500 poems.

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