Dogging and Other Poems

Oh dogging is the life of man,
It thrills me more than all else can!
On the side road we will go,
Lots of people up there know.
When I go dogging I'm glad as can be.
All good friends and fine company.
Oh dogging is the life for me,
And best of all, it's always free!

My cum tastes good with honey.
On toast spread with a knife.
I find it rather funny,
But it satisfies my wife.

When the sex toy died, my partner cried.
I did my best to calm her.
I said, "We'll have it mummified,
I know a good embalmer."

I always dream that I'm with someone else each night.
I have to dream in colour
For I live in black and white.
I'm sure I masturbate far more than others do.
But love it seems,
Only comes in dreams.

They say that the vicar is amazing in bed.
I didn't believe this but that's what was said.
And so, in search of religious devotion,
I ended up causing an unholy commotion.
You see, in church I knelt to pray.
And now I'm in the family way.