by avasogently
It brought tears to my eyes. I understood the sentiment completely.
But overall you've dropped the beat on your foot. You've got to pay attention to your metrical feet if you're going to write in form. Montage Dream Deferred is a complete whole as a book of poems, it's not easy living up to that in a single poem. I wouldn't even start with rhyme, just try to work out your personal dream deferred in verse, something that's wholly you and says something in a new way. Someone else had a rotten meat bit in their poem today.