All Comments on 'First Kiss…'

I wanted to play with this because I liked it so much :-) I hope you don't mind me giving some suggestions. It had a little problem with the flow due to some punctuation problems as well as some word usage. Yours is above and the one I played with is below it-

Like a flower, I am open to him,

As he brings me close, he takes in the scent of me, his eyes closed;

And he will remember this moment, these few seconds in time

When he had me in his arms as if we were one forever;

I will hold his face within my hands and memorize every line, every crease,

And my eyes will then fall to his lips, so soft, so very sweet,

Slowly I will close the space between us, bringing us closer

Licking my lips, parting them just a little and tilting my head to the left

Pressing my lips softly, like butterfly wings, upon his mouth

Teasing them open with my tongue, sliding past his lips and teeth

To playfully begin the dance that passion brings;

Soft strokes, long licks, tasting him and being intoxicated with the sensations,

Taking him into me, drowning in his essence, his presence, his very being;

That is how I wish for our first kiss to be,

A moment in time that I can look back upon when I am old and gray and alone,

When I am in some distant place, reflecting upon things past,

Upon good memories, upon what was once my beautiful life;

I want our first kiss to never be forgotten…

Prehaps:

Like a flower, I am open to him,

As he brings me close, he takes in the scent of me with eyes closed.

And, he will remember this moment, these few seconds in time

When he had me in his arms as if we were one forever.

I will hold his face within my hands and memorize every line, every crease

With my eyes then falling to his lips so soft, and ever so sweet.

Slowly, I will close the space between us, bringing our bodies closer,

Licking my lips, parting them just a little and tilting my head to the left;

Pressing my lips softly like butterfly wings upon his mouth,

Teasing them open with my tongue, sliding past his lips and teeth

To playfully begin the dance that passion brings.

Soft strokes, long licks, tasting him and being intoxicated with the sensations

That draws him into me, drowning in his essence, and presence, and very being.

That is how I wish for our first kiss to be;

A moment in time that I can look back upon when I am old, gray and alone.

When I am in some distant place, reflecting upon things past,

Upon good memories, which were once my beautiful life;

I want our first kiss to never be forgotten…

I took out some of the "he and "his" words to take out some of the repeition as well as (what I believe) to be some better punctuation for you. I hope you find this as helpful. Surely, never to hurt. It was wonderful and that is why I took the time to play around with this piece.

Thanks for the great read, Dana