All Comments on 'Garden Kiss'

...stuff. The writing is crisp, with no nonsense -- to match the theme.

You took the words right out of my mouth.

I feel this has some lines that are full of potential, especially that first one. I'm not sure about your use of "lost lovers" It seems so pointed in a metaphorical poem. It's like, garden garden thorn blah blah blah lost lovers. It halts your flow. But I do happen to like your assonance with thorn and forlorn. That was pretty yummy. When I get to the nipple line, I'm shocked. Not that it's a nipple, but it's a nipple in this garden, dude, either use the metaphor or don't. You're carrying it througout, and yet there are points of disturbance where you ignore it altogether. That's a flow issue. The same thing happens in your last line with "you kissed my heart" maybe you could put in a "grafting" metaphor there or something. I think this poem has possibilities, but as for being strong and crisp, I'll have to disagree.

i'm glad you submitted it..

and think it's pretty no nonsense myself..cuts right to the heart. very nice hun!

especially the first two stanzas. But roses, petals and hearts make me bit... oh I don't know. Be careful using too many of those words together in one small poem. It's like flooding that garden with "a rose of passion bloomed and burst into a fiery flame of my desire" or something like that. Okay, end of my clich? rant. :)

This poem was selected from Lit's archive of over 39,500 poems for inclusion in today's Archival Review.<br>

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