All Comments on 'Girlfriend'

perhaps it's the shallowness of the facebookishness (admittedly suited to the write) but this one lacks the depths your others hold for me. maybe it'll grow on me....

i actually do like the sonics of:

soft nostalgia

obliterated in a Facebook line

seems to me this could afford to lose lines 3, 6, and 10 and not lose any meaning.

a reunion photo

Nikki kissing your cheek

soft nostalgia

obliterated in a Facebook line

“hey, that’s my boyfriend”

Oh, I think not,

Bitch.

Love the last stanza.

I think chipbutty makes a good point in suggesting you get rid of those lines that weaken the impact of your poem. I think the intense emotions surrounding unwelcome love triangles come through with greater impact in the sparser lines. It moves it from an almost disinterested chatter to a pounding statement. The extra lines dull the sharpness of the arrowhead that the word “bitch” encapsulates. Ending on “bitch” is like ending with the thwack of the arrow penetrating the breast of the writer’s rival.