All Comments on 'Going Home to my Dog'

Well, I'm glad you're here, I hope some of the new writers see this, this, while not the most exciting stuff in the world, is poetry. And it is just these little details that make it so.

while he peels the label from his beer

While maybe I should be a little more forgiving of new writers, because they shouldn't have spent that much time peeling labels of a beers.

A very easy 100

P.S. glad to see you out of that thread.

The details in this parable weave together so effortlessly that I can't tell I'm reading a parable until I step back and take a very long view. And that imho is what a good poem should do. I also love the understated contrasts between the restaurant and home (happiness of nations/happy place): they make the poem cohesive.

This part needs work:

in pidgin English from a kitchen serf

leaving a moment soap and suds

to pass some time with a customer's tad

who doesn't understand her words

but smiles and holds two fingers up.

That 2nd line needs an apostrophe and s, I think, in "moment." "moment's"? Also I don't get what you mean by "tad" here. And is "holds two fingers up" a V, a peace sign, an order for more beer? It could be obscure on purpose but it doesn't feel like enough or it's too much. Something off. Maybe I need to reread. :-)

You tell make a point without being preachy (wish I had managed the same in How to Become Less Human). Geeting a recommend. Pat your dog for me. I don't get anywhere near enough canine time (my son has a dog phobia).

gently done, gm.

the image of the peeling of the label says all it needs to.

like Angie, i have queries about this:

in pidgin English from a kitchen serf

leaving a moment soap and suds

to pass some time with a customer's tad

so, should that be 'moment's soap and suds' or 'moment, soap and suds,'

i don't have a problem with 'tad' though - i think that word speaks volumes for the type this customer is.

if only all our house-flies would simply fly away, all those little irritants when viewed with more perspective becoming as nothing.

Here's a possible re-write based on the feedback:

........

taking a break from her pots and pans

to talk with a child in his booster seat

who thinks she asked how old he was

and smiles to hold two fingers up.

now i missed 'tad' in that sense entirely :red face: i honestly thought you meant some customer who couldn't be bothered to try and understand her broken english, some bordering-on-yuppie type who was fond of using the words 'just a tad' and was maybe ordering 2 more beers. i far prefer your meaning!