All Comments on 'He takes her hand...'

Just looking at these first three pieces, that's quite a lot of ground you've covered in structure and style. Here, you start off promising, with a descriptive line that conveys an image, "paths so green, so crisp, their feet traveling paths of sticks, stones and dead leaves." What then follows is so subjective a description it pulls feeling out and leaves the rest feeling flat, "He speaks, telling her of adventures lived, showing her glorious trees, interesting rocks and anything else he can think of...the peak high on the cliff, overlooking the sparkling lake so intensely blue, it nearly blinds the eye. He proudly shows her this sight...as he watches her drink in the astonishing beauty of his land. The sky so clear and perfect, the waters so crisp and intense . . . it takes her breath away." This evokes no emotion or feeling in the reader, in stark contrast to the way you were beginning this piece.

this sounds like a good beginning to a romance novel!

to tell you that I read it 3 times.. there is a story..but its difficult to follow..sorry.