- Non-Erotic Poetry
- Healthy Obsession
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Click hereJack Spratt would eat no carbs,
His wife was lacto-vegan,
And so betwixt them both, you see,
They nagged and lectured and pestered their friends so much that no one would come to see them anymore.
They became sullen and withdrawn,
Pounding out miles on their Stair Masters,
And checking their own feces for fiber.
Mrs. Pratt became obsessed with a perceived sag in her breasts,
And took to lifting free-weights with a personal trainer.
His name was Raul.
Jack began to secretly buy Big Macs when he was out walking the dog,
(For the dog, of course, but he carried a toothbrush with him.)
One night, after Pilates,
Mrs. Spratt asked Jack, "Do these pants make me look fat?"
He said, "No, your fat ass makes you look fat, you fat ass."
She beat him to death with a twenty-pound dumbell.
Mrs. Spratt went to prison,
Where after a meal of Country Fried Steak with beef gravy,
And a nice peach cobbler,
Her boyfriend Agnes got carried away with the broom handle,
And Mrs. Spratt bled out on the gray, concrete floor.
It was a healthy red.
- COMMENTS
LeBrozover 18 years agoFree verse?
Open verse?
No verse?
So what! It's funny as hell, this little bit, dug up from last year's archives ~ perhaps you know of a couple like Mr. and Mrs. Spratt......
~
Me? I prefer Wendy's
average ginaover 19 years agoI really enjoyed this. So much so, I grabbed three pieces of bread, spread them with butter and snarfed in rebellion.
Anonymousover 19 years agoHow did I miss this? Better late than never. Thanks Mutt, you're a class act.
Miss Oatlashalmost 20 years agoIs The Mutt obsessed with his upcoming role in King Lear???
doormousealmost 20 years agoDamn you Mutt...
I wish I'd actually read the story before the nick LOL
That was a pisser... or gusher... Mmmmmmmm You know I love to gush ;-)
doormousealmost 20 years ago*humps the hell out of the Mutt's leg... hoping to sweet Hell it's the Mutt she knows... wipes away the mousie stains just incase and whistles innocently...
Loved the poem ;-)
The Muttalmost 20 years agoAuthorYeah, it's not exactly a poem, but it's too short to post as a story.I guess it's sort of a "Kill My Landlord" poem. I saw a commercial for Low Carb beer and I just snapped.
