All Comments on 'Hometime'

I love your mixing of nature and modern man at the beach, intertwined in your lines.....wonderful more please!

Very fine eye for seascape, Gauche. Very sharp and evocative imagery, I could smell the sea as I read, and did not want to leave so I read it again, and again. There is something Dylan Thomas-like in the accumulation of images that moves toward a crescendo of effect. I recommend more land/seascapes, and after that, people them. Bravo, indeed!

Worth reading and rewriting. Some strong imagery, but very uneven in execution.

and I know you're there, but I have to say I find this poem to be sophomorically wordy. Maybe sophmoric is a bit too evil, but there's nt punch, no passion, no intensity. I'm wondering why you're writing this poem? I need your subtext, there is no simplicity in your picture, and therefor I want more. I feel like you're in between writing I don't know something more and something less.

confusing, still it's ok.

Your poem is rich with ten dollar words, but those words overshadow the picture as a whole. This is a portrait, but I lose the portrait in all the shadowing you're trying to create by using those words. I keep saying words, to which one might say, "poems are words" but in my mind poems are well chosen words strung together to create a picture. I get so lost in your word choice that I forget what the setting is, and I don't feel at the end like I get a sense of what Bridlington means to you. I guess, in a way, the words make you lose the you in the poem.

A great start on your poetizing, oh gauchy man. Hoping to read more from your pen.

Also, a great start on this poem. The first few stanzas are perfectly clean cut, and paints a very clear image that speaks directly to me. In the end you kind of lose me though, by being a little bit too elaborate for this down-to-earth piece:

"Through dismal overcast, lances flame,

emblazoning white hulls and silvered masts"

The scene this paint for me is absolutely wonderful, but it took me a few reads to understand the imagery (still not 100% sure I do).

Still, good job!

...so I have nothing to add except to endorse the other comments. Gauche - you have a great voice that just needs a little training to hit the truly high notes. Looking for more.

A great first dive into poetry, G.

I enjoyed the richness of the language, the terseness of the content, the overall tangibility of a fine poem. Well done.