In The Dark With Him

The boy with the boat
Is back again
He is not
You
But I pretended
When I brought him
To my bed
I shut the door
Leaving us
In total darkness
Letting my arousal rise
In my mind
More so than
In my body

Then
He surprised me
He grabbed my wrists
Held me down
I instinctively tried to move
And he held me
Tighter
Before catching
My left nipple
Between his teeth
And a ripple of fear
Danced through my belly
Because it was unexpected
And we hadn’t played
Like that
And I didn’t know
What he would do

And I realized
As his teeth
Marked my breasts
It had been a long time
Since I felt
That edge of fear
With you
We have
Been playing
For years
You don’t scare me
Anymore
I know
When your hands
Are on me
When your teeth
Are on me
I am
Perfectly safe

But in that moment
In the dark
With him
Holding me down
Working me up
I was
The good kind of
Scared
And I liked it
And I missed it
And it made me
Think of you
Pretend it was you
Wish it was you

But when we were
Done
And the lights
Went on
He wasn’t you

And when he
Drove away
I didn’t
Wish
He could stay

And when
I soothed myself
To sleep
My fingers
Sliding through
The wetness
He had created
I wasn’t thinking of him
I was thinking
Of you