All Comments on 'Making Sense of Juliet's Passing'

Hey, your other poem had a line I thought was great: "lay bare my deciduous being". I think you're overcomplicating your language in both places, in this poem the subject is unapproachable to the reader because of the 'thine's and such. In the other poem you're trying to say too much, as if the language you present is more important than what you're trying to convey. Some poets can make their focus language mechanics, sounds of words as art, but you're not even close to that point yet. I'd say wittle everything down to lines such as the one I quote above and try to keep it simple and as elegant. I lost a close friend in college to CF, haven't written anything about her and I write a whole lot. Best of luck with your writing.

I sense your grief and sadness in your words, but I have to agree with the comment above. Simpler language in fewer words can often have more impact than using too many.

I'm no expert but focus more on the feelings than the words or form

Best of luck with your future writing xx