My Un-Anniversary Gift

Context: It’s my 26th wedding anniversary. I’ve been seperated for four of them. When we were together, he sucked at sex and gift giving. He is totally vanilla and totally selfish in and out of bed. This is a poem about what I wish he could have and would have given me on our anniversaries and every day.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

If I were asked
what gifts
women wanted
for anniversaries,
occasions,
and if I were
bold enough to
answer honestly
I would say

Flowers
and chocolate
and jewelry are
fine and
safe.

But I want
more than
fine and
I definitely want
more than
safe.

I want someone who is
spending the day
thinking about
how much they
want
their hands
on my skin.

And I want that someone to
walk through my door
push me up against the wall
hold me there with
his hand on my throat
hold my eyes with his
and tell me,
voice low against my ear,
exactly what he’s been
wanting
to do to me
all day.

I want his hands in my hair
holding me still
as he lowers his mouth to mine.
And I want him to stop
a breath before we touch
to trace the shape of my lips
with his tongue
slowly enough
that I groan
with frustration
and anticipation
and need.

I want to be wanted
so badly
that I can feel
how much he wants me
as our lower bodies
press together.

I want to feel
the adrenaline of
danger with
a touch of fear
while still knowing
he will protect me
as he leads me to my bed
as my clothes are stripped away
as his strong body
works mine
for our pleasure.

And after he makes me
sweat and
shake and
gasp his name

I want to rest
on his shoulder,
my hand in his,
his fingers sliding softly
over my back,
my hair,
as we fall asleep
smiling.

Is that what most women want?
I don’t know.
I’m not most women.
I think maybe I thought
I was supposed to want
flowers and chocolate and jewelry.
And maybe that’s why I was disappointed
even when I got them.
Because what I really wanted
was to be wanted
by someone
that I wanted
just as much.