All Comments on 'outside'

Edit. Your spelling and grammatical errors jar me while reading this. If you use self-pride, then righteous should be a noun rather than an adjective. and thusly should be righteousness. To should be too, etc.

I think that this has good content, but there's a lovely rhythm to the poem that is just barely missed in the writing of it. Work on this one, tweak it a bit. It's got the potential for brilliance, I think.

this poem is not written the way it should be read. The misspellings are sheer laziness.

Here it is fixed up. This poem reads quickly, and if you rearrange it, it's actually damn good, using all the poetry toolz and skillz.

in restless thought

going in

sane trying to stay

sane

engulfed with battles

that i fought

I am crying but

I am tearless, its

the kind of pain that hurts

the most,daily

on my knees trying to

confess

in slow motion I

remain

with hands across

my chest,looking at me, and

wonder why, I

never changed

sometimes

late is too late

things never change

day is still

day and night

still night

self pride and

self righteous

has sealed my fate

but I once prayed

with every breath

Did anyone hear me??

Now

I sit here

looking at me

and I

remain outside

my inner self

it's a pretty fucking rockin' poem like that, imo. You could scream this, and everyone would not only listen, but hear you and relate intuitively.