All Comments on 'Raising a Finger to Father'

cute story

This is where you are at, there are not many wasted words here, the timing is getting down. You are not wasting time on rhyme. The problem is this is good prose. Not a problem for me, good prose is better than piss poetry. Possible rewrite example

Then the building came down

boss retired

Arnold set out for a warmer climate

The building came down when the owner retired

and Arnold set off for a warmer climate (shore?)

liked the bit with the Roldex tighten slighly

It sounds blood-curdlin' to modern sensibilities ( includin' to yours truly)but in India such transactions were considered reasonable before Pax Britannica made an appearance but of course when the Brits were asked to leave our country they tried to misappropriate Blood Money by way of the Jallianwallah Baug genocide !?!?

and you never let your readers down. Never! I think your greatest strength is your great skill with narrative. I prefer my poems with less telling and more showing, which tends to make them shorter and more open to various interpretations. But as I said that's a preference. I don't think this poem is as strong as the other non-erotic piece you wrote about the woman selling street food, maybe this one gets overwhelmed with all the details--there's a lot to the story. Maybe the other poem had more rhetorical flourishes that appealed to me... But hell it's still an easy 5. :-D