by swallowedscream
This is a real poem about real life with something real to say, and has nice images. It works. I do think you have the innate talent to make it a bit more powerful if you want to.
<p>
Little mistakes in punctuation are distracting - the extra space after "lived , " and then the unneeded comma in the next line after "and."
<p>
"These marks are life's tattoos," is a very nice metaphor.
<p>
Repetition in poetry can be a friend, but can also be an enemy. I felt distracted (a bit) by all the pointing going on in the middle of the poem: "this one, and here, and there, and that one," etc. I got that the spacing was to indicate various locations, but the repetition and lack of specificity was slightly jangling for me.
<p>
Personally, I could have done without the line, "Aren't they lovely?" It's as though I'm being told how to feel, and I don't need that. By the time I've read the last line, I totally get it!
<p>
Of course, if the poem had been much better, I would have had to rate it at 150, and the thermometer only goes up to 100. Keep up the great work!