See Ya, Mate!

When Joe met Yvonne
He knew it was wrong,
Yvonne off her feet by his sweeping broom!
Neither could resist,
Beginning their tryst.
Joe wined her, dined her, then rented a room.

Lust's sate on first date,
It wasn’t love, so it must have been fate!

Joe oft met Yvonne
He trophied her thong,
Yvonne gave Joe all the sex she could give.
"Joe, please can you wait?"
She told him: "I'm late".
The pee stick she held up, was positive.

"Late, great, cogitate,
Clockwork as regular, shouldn’t be late!"

What a palaver!
Both in a lather!
Joe broke out in a sweat and went berserk
"Weren't you on The Pill?"
"I was but fell ill,
Taking flu meds meant The Pill didn't work."

Late, great, see her, mate,
Don't get yourself hit by the garden gate!

"It's simpler to kill,
"Just send me the bill,
"You see, Von, we'll get over this hurdle."
"So, you've had your fun,
"Givin' me this bun!"
With looks that would make half and half curdle.

Late, great, see ya, mate,
Arguing lovers are starting to grate!

"Oh heavens above,
"It makes sense now, Love,
"Joyce did the same thing, she wanted my rings."
"Joe, this is our choice—
"Wait— who the fuck's Joyce?"
"My Missus; the one what's pulling me strings!"

Late, great, if you date,
Don't get yourselves caught in the old debate!

"You're married you cad?
"Looks like I've been had!
"I'm keeping the kid, you sort the finance!"
"Worth more than me life,
"To upset the wife,
"She'll cut off more than my due allowance!"

Dire straits, procreates,
Dilly dallying while his wife dilates!

"Joe, you can be sure,
"There's no more 'amore',
"You're no better than any cheating bloke!"
"I'll leave you alone,
"Just heard on the phone
"Must get home to Joyce, her water's just broke!"

Late, great, procreate,
Don't you readers suffer the self-same fate!

Yvonne's dear mother
Rings Tim, Von's brother,
An ex-boxer employed as a heavy.
"Don't worry none, Ma,
"That creep won't get far
An' I’ll force him to cough up the levy!"

Yeah, great, fuck ya, mate,
Gets his goollies caught in that garden gate!

Tim knows where Joe goes
And soon Joe's blood flows,
Knocked to the ground by Tim's knuckleduster.
"I promised my Sis,
"You were caught remiss,
"As I carry back your nuts in a jar!"

Hate, great, clean the slate,
Catching his goollies in that garden gate!

I've heard someone state:
Between love and hate
There is only a tad of a fraction.
Life hangs by a thread
In hospital bed
Joe's nose is broke, eyes bruised, neck in traction.

Yeah, great, fuck ya, mate,
Looks like you got hit by that garden gate!

Yvonne is distraught
A lesson's been taught.
When bloke's talk's all a fib, shallow and glib,
Excuses are lame,
Yvonne takes the blame,
What she gave away came back in a crib.

Alone, great, fuck off, mate,
Just me an' your kid, we'll get along great!

And don’t forget Joyce
Who's yet to give voice,
'Cause Joe's door says "Do not disturb".
Maternity Joyce
Is left with a choice:
To keep him or boot Joe's arse to the kerb.

Oh, great, my ex-mate,
On the way out, hit by the garden gate!

What ends in divorce
Brings bitter remorse,
What's all fair in love just dissolves into war.
For Joyce and Yvonne
Life has to go on.
Joe can't play wolf and keep wolf from the door.

Update: No playmate,
Never again will Joseph conjugate!