by swallowedscream
Filled with fiery words that stir the emotions and create fast moving images. Very well done, I'll be looking for more of your works.
"Whole" was obviously an innocent mistake. But take note, people! America has a new, great poet. Nice! I can live the poem, see it, taste it, feel it. And the words are nice. It is coherent, lovely in the way it sounds, out-loud, well constructed, concise, makes me feel, and I could go on and on. T. S. Eliot, eat your heart out! (Oh well, I guess he can't, now.)
First, should whole be hole in the second stanza?
Second, I thought it was an interesting concept for a poem, but I think you've got too many words and they cloud the image you are trying to convey. I did enjoy it, though.