- Non-Erotic Poetry
- The Colors of You
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Click here[I see]
Yellow skies.
Water doesn't fall
Because hydrologic cycles aren't really logical at all.
[I see you]
A blue flower falling from blue skies,
Lost in a field of green,
Dirt and grass and broken blue glass.
[I see you in]
Red sun, red sky, red dress.
Black thoughts, white hands,
Fingers bleeding cerulean.
[I see you in me]
Bemused, bereft.
In a handful of blue,
I'm left holding the colors of you.
This poem, a first for me, was my February entry in the Poetry Contest; it was, per contest rules, inspired by the painting "Sophie's Tears" by Terry Rentzepis.
- COMMENTS
Anonymousover 2 years agoBeautiful words of poignancy
Belegonover 18 years ago...so I will not have my view of the poem affected by it...what I see in the brackets is something that may or may not have been intentional, because taking them seperate and reading the poem three ways, (bracketed only, nonbracketed only and original) provides alternate interpretations. Perhaps I'm reading too deeply into the piece, but I like that divergence. I'm left with an image of a white hand holding blue flower, green grass, brown dirt and blue glass, with a red and golden sunset.The other colors are emotional only, which causes a re-interpretation of "I see you in me".
Wow. Where did that come from? :)
maggot420over 18 years agoI think the brackets are just fine. I love this one. It seems very fresh and alive to me.
impressiveover 18 years agowith the others about the brackets, yui. I believe they're part of this poem's punch and originality. This was one of my favorites of the February challenge before I knew who wrote it. I'm very glad you submitted it!
LeBrozover 18 years agoI must agree ~ drop the brackets; far too distracting and diminishes some very fine words here.
Anonymousover 18 years agoI thought too much was happening in your lay out.
You told us what you saw, those of us who entered
the challenge saw the same. What did you feel or
think? That being said, the last verse was on track
and I loved it. sandspike
J.Doeover 18 years agoWhat stands out the most in this poem is your brackets. I believe it would better for you to whisper, drawing attention to those key lines by formatting with italics.
This is a good poem with imaginative new phrasing. Continue reading, learning and writing poetry as you do well.
