The Day My Dick Ran Away

When I awoke, something seemed wrong
I reached down and felt no schlong
Though it hurts me just to say
I found my dick had run away

I went to the mirror and looked again
My midsection smooth, just like Ken
I started to scream, to wail, to shout
My favorite friend, I was without

Below the belt, I had no worth
Not even one single inch of girth
Looking down, I wished me dead
The thought striking my only head.

For dangling down, I sure did lack
My swinging dick, my ball filled sack
For like a man, I sure ain’t
With nothing ‘cept my lonely taint

But on the mirror, hung a note
I’ve no idea, just how it wrote
Perhaps he found another mate
With which the departed did dictate

I’ve had enough, I must complain
Of sex, it seems, you do abstain
I do hope you understand
Lend me more than just a hand

I cannot take it, I’ve had enough
I must explore at least one muff
Or perhaps some lips would spread apart
That at least would be a start

But you, it seems, are shy and meek
To women, you will barely speak
And while my balls do burst at the seems
You content yourself with porno scenes

I’ve lived enough without affection
My life has been one long erection
Where I go, I cannot say
I’ll find another chest to spray

I read the note, with much surprise
The tears spilling from my eyes
You may think this a farce, crazy, strange, or silly
Yet it was signed, my dearest friend, Yours, Willy

I found some hobbies, I began to learn
All hoping my dick would return
As for women, I no longer stalk
I open my mouth, I actually talk

And then, one day, my dick came back
Dragging behind his only sack
He said he’d stay on one condition
If getting laid remained my mission

Soon a girl, we both did find
With intercourse on her mind
Her body she allowed me full access
And so I did start to caress

Finally, I’d found my move
Her dress she slowly did remove
And as we positioned, ready to go
My penis did refuse to grow

She tried to help, to fondle, to suck
Only down below was such a schmuck
He left me hanging, just like a dope
Trying to swing, with a piece of rope

She shrugged, I stammered an apology
Now that I was willing, where was he?
And though she gave me such a lick
It didn’t work, what a dick!