What Burt Missed Last Night

Author’s Note: To Burt, who probably shouldn’t have asked me to write down what he missed last night.

Dear Sam, he said, his face a flush,
I must retreat, I am a lush
Would you be a pal, a dear, a friend
And when I return, a tale you’ll rend
I have a need, a desire, a demand to drink
I must step away from this room for kink
To miss a moment would fill my heart with gloom
And yet, alas those spirits reside in another room
I see, for now, the scenes are slow,
I take this chance, at once to go
But if, by fate, a fuck I miss
Use thy skills, write up each kiss
And so with sorrow, I began to write
A tale of what Burt missed last night.

For Burt, at once, when he was away
Did miss the lengthy lesbian play
As he poured himself a jack and coke
One woman found another to stroke
Those pussy lips, she started to lick,
And with a finger, so tender, so slick
Did place it right inside her hole
As desperately, I stroked my pole
Their nipples they did display with care
For any male who wished to stare
Blonde and tall, dark and short
So sexually they did cavort
Across the beds, their legs did splay
And gleefully, the girls did play
They licked and lapped
My attention rapt
Did I stop to think of a moral?
Do not chance at missing oral
For as the two backs made the beast
Burt guzzled up his gulps of yeast
And missing out on more than that
Another girl put forth her loving twat
The three they switched in cunnilingus
While Burt missed out, just like a dingus
They kissed, some tongue, I watch them smooch
While Burt went drinking an igloo of hooch
The fingers, they fondled, they tried to fuck
But without a strap-on, the three were stuck
And so I watched the three in bed
Each gave the other decent head
I did spare a thought, a think
For Burty and his fucking drink
Wondering just where Burt went
Before my trousers sprung their tent

Burt came back, a drink for me
And I muttered an apology
A pirate law
For what I saw
A man who falls behind
Sees no girls intertwined
For once he clambered up the stairs
No lesbians were found anywhere’s
A man was tied, paddled, near the brink
It wasn’t Burt’s type of kink
We watch the scene, and Burt he swore
Because the waiting became a bore
He started to fidget, then to sweat
Burt needed another cigarette
Please excuse me, I need a light
Just let me know what I miss tonight

For while he held his cigarette
The sexiest thing happened yet
A woman, young, wanting a bang
Only would content herself with a gang
She looked around, sizing us up
Deciding even I was good enough
I joined in, leaving Burt all alone,
For only my cock is made of stone
She sucked, ready to swallow
In lust the room did wallow
Her fingers beckoned for my cock
And yes, I prefer them to my sock
The lips, a pair, I do declare
Parted for me, without a care
Pleased on one end, then the other side
For every man who dared take this ride
So while Burt did smoke his newfound grass
It was I who pounded in her ass
I took her long, I took her hard
While my friend inhaled out in the yard
My cock engorged, my pencil wet
My face flush with guilty sweat
Should I stop, and wait for Burt
I’d hate to have his feelings hurt
But I could think no reason nor cause
To give my orgasm another pause
And Burt mustn’t think me some sort of demon
Simply for splattering her with my semen

Each man there took his turn
That woman made their butter churn
To all who were there, so much fun
But when Burt returned, she seemed done
Alas, came the cry from my faithful friend
I only caught the sodden end
Still you, my bard, must never fail
To pen down the deets of this tale
I promised him, I will tell it all
Should he refrain from going awol
I did my best keep him close
As women did all removed their clothes
They offered their bodies up with glee
To even mild-mannered men as me
To spank, to smack, oh what luck
To find such beauties ready to fuck
And so with gall, of this I write
The third absence of Burt this night

I found my body, sore and bent
Girls tied to crosses completely spent
Whips and chains exciting me
Exhibition for the world to see
Everywhere, for every pole
An eager and a willing hole
And where on Earth could Burt be?
Absent again, did he need to pee?
All these things I could not describe
So much sex I did imbibe
Pussies, asses, a hand on each boob
Burt missed it like a total noob
As my last erection finally fell
At Burt, I felt compelled to yell
He walked up, his face spreading into a smile
Sam my friend, I’ve found what is worthwhile

I do not mean to sound overly pushy
But Sam, while you had every pussy
Better than your ton
I found the perfect one
Rather than drown in an ocean of muff
My women has all of the right stuff
Tall and righteous, like Brienne of Tarth
I climbed her, making a claim to her hearth
While you fornicated like an unworthy knave
My cockhead did tingle at the handjob she gave
She covered my eyes, tied me in place
Then pushed vast titties in my face
Only then, when I earned her trust
Did she allow me my frantic thrusts
Together we coupled, fucking just right
You, my friend, wasted your night

So I’ll end my story somewhat curt,
Singing praises of the one, the only Burt