All Comments on 'The Missing Heart'

I really like the first stanza, but a bit iffy about the rest. I wanted to go with a 3/average but I may feel differently if/when I reread it. Your poem leaves me pondering and undecided--better than a poem that has no impact at all.

sack just wants to make us think. I like it, but I'm still scratching my head. I have horrible thoughts! <raises brow>

The jaded mature adults

They move on;

Eyes glazed and uncaring;

Child-like innocence sees all that's there

And in acting

Holds onto innocence...

I liked the first stanza, and I think the poem could be really good if you strip away the heavy sentimentality in a rewrite. The whole scene does make one think and is a wonderful slice of life that you capture well, but many spots, especially this ending:

and in that moment of innocence lost

I found the beat

rhythmic and strong

of my own heart

never again letting go

of the child within

....are not fresh enough to seriously impact me as a reader, and just a bit too mushy.

A good poem that a writer with your skill can most definately improve with some work.

Just for the courage to broach a terribly un fashinable topic as 'hardened hearts' and what it takes to open them, I feel that you deserve an honorable mention. Could it be more effective if the poem was more subtle or does it actually gets to where it needs to get with us by shocking us. I myself am still debating it.... But hey, you got me thinking!

Once upon a time all of our worlds were innocent, fresh and new. With maturity comes familiarity with life, death, and other sorrows. Watching a child who still has that innocent approach can be most refreshing.