by UnderYourSpell
so thanks to Vee for drawing my attention. There are some powerful images here. There were a couple of things: I would cut line 8, which felt too weak after the previous terrific line, and maybe line 9 is better at the end of the poem? And firefighters might be stronger than fire workers. Btw, have you read Nigel Balchin's wonderful blitz novel "Darkness Falls from the Air"?
A strong read, Annie x
but think the last line isn't needed. Poetry does not need a morale at the end. All is the poem. The wording is nice to my ears.
I gave it a four. I loved most of it but the last line killed it for me. It seemed to pat and you had already stated what has happen. I'm giving you a recommend though, cause I enjoyed the read anyway.
Boy, she's tough. I gave it a 5, relieved that you are breaking out of the dreadful forms, but I would listen to her.
because it is very well written but, for me, too prosey. It reads more like an article than a poem. Imo the problem is the more poetic stuff is weighed down by the prosey parts. I think you should rework it because there is an excellent poem in there: you just haven't chipped the sculpture all the way out of the rock yet. :-)