All Comments on ''twas the night before Halloween'

So if he unloaded his dick...

he would now be a Hollow-weeney?...he he he

hey this was pretty cute

lol....that was so cute

lol this is a good one. should go far with it

I loved this but wanted to point out some errors in hoping to help you. I showed the man I'm with and he really got a kick out of this. We were stuck between a 3 and 4 because I felt this was unfinished. Made me want more! As far as him, he said how much he loved the title. We both had a great laugh!! Here are some suggestions with your poem being first, and me "playing" with it below. I hope you don't mind.

'twas the night before Halloween, and all thru the house,

every one was stripping, even the mouse

her legs were laid open, on the bed with great care

in hopes that Mr. Dick, soon would be there

her clit was all nestled, safe in it's pink lip

waiting on Mr. Dick, to slide in his big tip

her mind was filled with visions, of cumming again & again

and of that hard dick sliding, out & then in

just ramming her tight pussy, then going for more

fucking my tight pussy, until it is sore

now it's Halloween morn, and Mr. Dick is back

to say happy Halloween, before he hits the sack

and play with my nipples, while his hot load he un-packs

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

'Twas the night before Halloween and all thru the house,

Every one was stripping; even a mouse.

Her legs were laid open on the bed with great care,

In hope that Mr. Dick would soon be there.

Her clit was all nestled; safe in it's pink lip,

Just waiting for Mr. Dick to slide in his big tip.

Her mind was filled with visions of cumming again,

And of that hard dick sliding out, and then in.

Just ramming her tight pussy then going for more-

Fucking my tight pussy until it is sore.

Now it's Halloween morn and Mr. Dick is back,

To say happy Halloween before he hits the sack (shorten)

And play with my nipples while his hot load un-packs.

Like I said, I really like this. The meter is off causing problems with the flow. I think if you played around more with this, it would really be outstanding. What I did was make each line capitalized, which is proper in poetry. Also, I took out some of the commas that weren't needed, which helped out the flow. Adding and subtracting 'some' words as well to help. By taking out the "he" before "unpacks" in the last line, made this sound finished to me.

-Never to hurt and only to help.

Thanks for making us laugh:)

Dana

i got a good laugh out of this. keep up the good work and keep putting smiles on my face

great aabb poem

something was missing. something unfinished.

I never expected a Halloween poem to end up this good. Though the comparison of the woman to a mouse was a little out there, the whole poem was on-target, creative, and stuck in my head a little, though I'm still wondering what made the writer choose to relate it to Halloween.

Great job!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Erotic comedy ~ at its finest.