Unpoetic we must have been

Poem Info
  • March 2008 monthly contest
78 words
4.26
22.1k
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KOLKORE
KOLKORE
11 Followers

It’s great oh god, I’m dying!
There was nothing original
Perplexing or surreal
In her hushed excited grunts
But to me with her back shining white
And me with trembling arms around
Unimaginable yielding mounds
In a quickly steaming
Breathing storage space
Her words were no less
Than surprise solution
of paradox never solved before
Caesar crying:
I saw I came I conquered!
Or maybe it was I who actually cried
Oh god! Oh great! I’m dying…

KOLKORE
KOLKORE
11 Followers
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  • COMMENTS
13 Comments
sexysmilesexysmilealmost 16 years ago
Wow

How utterly relatable. Well done!

AnonymousAnonymousalmost 16 years ago
Wow

How utterly relatable. Well done!

Bill DadaBill Dadaalmost 16 years ago
^

Sometimes the unpoetic is more poetic. Also the poetic tends to suck the heat out things.

JaneAustenJaneAustenalmost 16 years ago
M'mmm

Sometimes it feels as though you can not differentiate who has said what, as the two lovers (being as one) often merge in more than one way. Loved your playful way of approaching this, yet it still packs heat. Well done! ~JaneAusten

DawnJDawnJabout 16 years ago
"Vidi, veni, vici!" Wow!!

"Caesar crying:

I saw I came I conquered!" This is definitely the sexiest inversion I've seen in a LONG time! Bravo!!!

DawnJDawnJabout 16 years ago
"Vidi, veni, vici!" Wow!!

"Caesar crying:

I saw I came I conquered!" This is definitely the sexiest inversion I've seen in a LONG time! Bravo!!!

sweet GA peachessweet GA peachesabout 16 years ago
mmmmmmmm.....

I went fishing through your poetry, and was lured in by this kick ass title. I love your work, .. and this piece could go alot of ways, .. legs up, legs down, bent behind head, ... okay .. you get the picture..

;-)

sGp

oregon_galoregon_galabout 16 years ago
ahhh the twist!

your end (pardon the pun) made me smile....nice to read you again.

normal jeannormal jeanabout 16 years ago
you just get

better and better with each poem of yours I have read. This one has such a light hearted feel, truly enjoyable. keep up the good work :) and I did want to mention your lines- the rhythm is good, the syllable count really works with this poem.

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