Unthroupling

I have not seen you
in over a week
She is phasing me out
You are doing
nothing
to stop her

I have not heard your voice
I have not felt your hands on my body
I have forgotten what your kisses taste like

You have done nothing
to prioritize me
You have not made any effort
to see me
You haven’t picked up the fucking phone
to call me

I am simply the girl you text
Random thoughts,
funny tiktoks,
dirty talk
You call me baby,
you tell me you love me,
but I need more
than words
on a screen

And I shouldn’t have to tell you
how to love me
And I shouldn’t have to tell you
that I deserve to be put first
And I shouldn’t have to tell myself
that I know that you can’t,
that i know you won’t,
and that I knew
what I signed up for

I lived 26 years
in a marriage
with a husband
who never
put me first
And now I’ve lived
more than 4 years
in a throuple
with a lover
who never
puts me first
I deserve
to be
put first

I deserve to be
more
than the girl who
sucks your cock
I deserve to be
more
than texts
when you’re bored
And I deserve to be
more
than a fucking secret

Maybe I never should’ve loved you
Maybe you never should’ve loved her
But maybes don’t change a fucking thing
about us

This week
apart and alone
is not distance makes the heart
grow fonder
This is out of sight
out of mind
This is breaking the spell,
stepping away from the kryptonite,
thinking clearly

This is me missing you
This is me loving you
This is me wishing things were
different

What wouldn’t I give
to have you in my bed,
in my arms,
in my life
What wouldn’t I give
for you to be mine and
only mine
I’m willing to
give in and
give up and
give you
everything

You aren’t
Fuck.
You. Aren’t.

I love you
And we are good together
And I deserve to be first,
and best,
and always,
and only.

I deserve to be the priority,
the one you think of first
the one you need
more
than anyone else

Make me yours
And I will make you so damn happy
That you won’t even remember her

But I will not be neglected
And I will not be ignored
And I will not be last on your list

I love you
too much
I love us
too much
But mostly,
I love me
too much