All Comments on 'When'

When I read your poem, I felt your emotions from the words, that's good poetry, <grin>

This part has some good, original lines:

Golden castle, sitting on the mountain.

So hot out, sun beating down.

Riding the glass elevator,

glass smudges, when we got off.

You wanted to take me,

against the plaid wall.

Thanks for sharing. :)

and i do love that stanza that eve pointed out.......nicely done......don

It was a return to your earlier style. I love the story and it was very tender and touching. I could empathise with it. Great job!

this verse stands out because it seems the most natural:

~Riding through the mountains.

Pulling over on the curb,

for a quick kiss ... or two.

Remember the truckers,

still think they were placing bets. ~

That feels real where some of the others feel more dreamlike..not a bad thing, but combining them sometimes makes them both weaker than they could be.

I liked this over all, some tender images, some beautiful memories.

you are getting better

thank you

The strong air of need/want without the explicitness. Comes together nicely!!

QP